Nissans and Mazdas and Chevy's...oh my

So my lease on my beloved (though way outta my price range) Charger is up a couple months. So the car shopping has begun. Kel has been out all day looking around, and calling me. Car shopping by phone is just as tricky as it sounds.
"Do you like this? What about this? This one doesn't have a sunroof, are you ok with that? You sure you want a dark color?" Argh, it's exasperating. But apparently Friday is the day that I will get a new car.

Kel seems to think it'll be relatively easy. That's the optimist in him. The realist in me is saying No F'in way will it be simple. My credit is pretty much in the toilet. BUT...Any payment pretty much at this point will be less than what I'm paying for the Charger....and I mean that. The guy at the Chevy dealer told Kel "Holy shit, I could get you in a top of the line Corvette for that payment!" Right, thanks for the reminder that we got screwed when we bought the Charger. Right...the guy that sold us the car? Yeah, he got fired for scamming customers and the dealership. Unfortunately, there was nothing they could do about it and we've been stuck with a payment we can't nearly afford for 5 years...ouch. That has a lot to do with the uneviable credit situation as well.

So the players that will get a test drive on Friday are the Mazda6, Chevy Malibu, Nissan Altima, and Dodge Calibur. The Mazda and the Altima are sporty little numbers that I would love to have if the numbers work right. The Malibu Kelly seems to prefer, and the Calibur, I'm not sure how it got in the mix but it's there now. No matter which car I get, it will be a downgrade from what I'm drivng now. But I'm willing to give up quite a bit in my car to get a payment that will allow me to pay allll my other bills as well.

And the bonus? I'll have a new car to take on the vacation to Hilton Head. That's all my wonderful hubby's idea. I guess I'll keep him!

**update...kel said no to the Nissan when the no one came to help him outside and when he went Inside, he had to wait for the salesman to finish Harvesting his crop on FARMVILLE before he was helped...ugh.

Things I've learned from the girls in my life...

1. Girls are DRAMA exemplified. (my neice Abby 19 - high school years)

Abby was the first 'young girl' in my life that went through the high school thing. Now, I flew pretty much under the radar at school. (which is the same school she is graduating from Sunday) I wasn't the popular kid, and I wasn't the loser either. No one hated me, but everyone knew me. So hearing all the stuff that Abby would come home with intrigued me at least. She was (and is) the borderline popular girl. Gorgeous, athletic, funny...all the qualities you want your kid to be. But MAN, the stories she would come home with about how mean the girls could be, and quickly your friends became your enemies were crazy! She was over it by Sophmore year, and was content to be friends with more boys than girls... And you can imagine what kind of additional drama that caused!

2. Just be you (my daughter Alyson, age 11)

My oldest is eclectic and knows what she likes and doesn't like. And honestly, she doesn't care what anyone else thinks. And ya know what, people like her for that! She has a very close knit group of friends that feel the same way. They are all so different, yet the same. She's a dancer, and her best friends are a basketball player, a soccer player and volleyball/band member. She likes to do well in school, and has no problem telling people that. She thinks peer pressure is ridiculous, and wonders why anyone would do something because someone else wants them to. She's an original, and makes me feel better being in my own skin.

3. Be Happy! (my daughter Hailey, age 9)

She's such a happy little soul, you can't help but smile around her. I honestly think I can see a room brighten every time she walks in. I don't know anyone who doesn't just fall in love with her upbeat and positive attitude when they meet her. She's unassuming and innocent (for the most part) and makes me feel lucky that she's mine.

4. You don't have to compromise. (my Neice Abby 19, again school years)As I said, the girl is beautiful. So there was no shortage of guys who wanted to go out with her. But boy oh boy, they get stupid when they're dating. Luckily, Abby is strong enough in her beliefs and convictions that she knows she doesn't have to settle for anything. She knows the Peanut Butter and Jelly theory, and hopefully she'll keep that and her strong will in her mind when she heads off to college.

5. Be a kid for as long as you can. (My neice Emily 15)

I love this girl. She's 15, and still loves to play with my girls. She's really in no rush to grow up, and I adore that quality. Granted, the boyfriends are calling and she's going out with friends, but she still acts like a 15 year old...not like a 20 year old. She reminds me that being a grown up doesn't have to be a full time thing.

6. We may want a man, but we certainly don't NEED one. (Linda 29:) )

Linda has been proving to me for the past 6-7 years that 'she don't need no stinkin man'. I swear, she knows how to do, fix, prepare and rig up so many things that it just boggles my mind. She can do easily, all the things that I always depended on my ex or my hubby or my dad or my brothers to do for me. She has inspired me many times over to tackle projects I deemed impossible for me. Of course...I usually just end up calling her instead.

7. Men don't always wear the pants (my sister in law Deb)

Deb is one of the biggest inspirations of my life. She's my rock, my shoulder, my partner in crime. Although I do love my brother dearly, he doesn NOT run the house! Deb is totally in control (she wouldn't have it any other way) of everything that happens in that house. She keeps it clean, does the bills, brings home the bacon and lays down the rules. She has shown me that I can take charge, and enjoy doing so!

8. Men may not wear them, but sometimes we need to let them think they do (Mary also 29 :) )
Yes, with 3 boys under 7 running around her house, she has a surprising amount of control. Her hubby works nights, so is sleeping most (ie: ALL) of the day. So she must keep said boys quiet all day as not to disturb him. She is a stay at home mom, so her hubby brings home all the physical 'pay'. He has NO idea of what Mary does all day long (though he often thinks it's nothing). So instead of arguing her point, she just lets him think that he wears the pants. That is soooo far from the truth, but at least it saves an hour's worth of wasted breath.

and those are just SOME of the lessons I've learned from the wonderful, amazing females in my life...Thanks chickies!

Victims of the money crunch...

No, not me per say. I will not consider myself a victim, not in the slightest. The victims I speak of are the things that I have given up due to our recent decrease in income. (Kel was let go as GM of an Arby's and hired on as a GM of an Ihop) I like pancakes sooo much more than Roast Beef anyway, bleh. What I will miss, is the delicious fountain Pepsi I occasionaly splurged on at Arby's. They and Taco Bell have The Best Pepsi EVER. Period. But since I refuse to patronize Arby's ever again, and the line at Taco Bell is always ridiculously long I have done away with the fountain Pepsi.

In addition to that, I'm done with soda in general. Not only because it's bad for me (180 calories in a can? So not worth it) but because the reusable 32 ounce plastic container from Wal-Mart was $2.50 and water is free from the tap. That makes sense to even me.

Another victim? My hair. My poor roots are at least 2 inches grown out. I haven't had it cut in months...like 5 months. The cut I'm not so much worried about, as I was planning on growing my hair out anyway. The color however, I'm not thrilled about at all. It's Spring, closing in on summer, and I don't have my summery blonde highlights with a splash of burgundy thrown in for an interesting touch. I still have my winter shade of chocolate lowlights with the blonde hilights. Not Cool.

I also have been relegated to wearing my glasses full time. This, I am particularly not happy about. I love my contacts, and I want them back. But new ones just aren't in the budget right now. I miss them, and I am totally over the studious hot chick look I'm sporting. (yes I'm saying I'm studious and hot...get over it. My imagination wouldn't lie about how I look...)

My beloved Tap class. I miss it too. Fortunately not as much, since my favortie teacher, Michelle, was not teaching this year. That made it a tad easier to give up. Not that I don't like Diana, I really do. But I'm a grown woman, and I'd rather dance to top 40 and pop, and have a raucus good time with other women as nutty as me, instead of dancing to Jazzy music that I don't know and seriously focusing on technique. (I'm not big on the whole 'focus' idea)

Shopping in general has also gone on hiatus. I LOVE to shop. Hmm, that could be part of the reason that other things have had to be given up. Nonsense, that's crazy talk. I can't even go and browse. I'm not a good window shopper. I can't remember the last time I walked out of Target empty handed. I have good intentions of just killing time and looking, but there's always that one thing I can't live without. And it's only $7.99. Unfortunately, 5-7 items that are only $7.99 add up to quite a bit more rather quickly. That's a lesson I can't seem to learn, no matter how many times I make the mistake.

ok...the hubby just showed up with a $20.00 gift card for Applebee's...so I must be off for some seldom had quality time! Yay!

Could it be?...He's mad at ME??

Not that this would be a first or anything, but it would go in a very short list of times. Well a short list of times that he's actually shown he was mad at me. It comes with mixed emotions. Curiosity as to why he's mad, along with an almost disgust in myself for even caring. Let's rewind, shall we?

My ex and I married a month after I graduated, at 18 years old. We had dated all through high school. I met him on a blind date set up by mutual friends when I was 15. (Of course I can hardly imagine even letting my daughter date when she's 15, but that's a whole 4 years away.) We managed to make it 9 1/2 years in the marriage. Ten if you count the time between when he moved out and when I actually filed.

The end came when I found out he went on a 10 day vacation with another chick, and a weekend getaway on top of that. To make it worse, SHE is the one that informed me by putting a picture she had taken of him at a hotel they were staying at on their way to Reno, in my mailbox. However, I didn't end it. I wanted him to stay. After several move outs and in's, he told me as I laid on the couch "I just don't love you anymore." Ouch. I simply said ok and went to my fridge to get a bottle of wine. I don't drink, but I did that night. I remember it was a nice evening. I went to the backyard and just sat and drank from the bottle. I can't remember now how long I cried, but I know I was out there a long ass time.

After it was 'over' there were several times that we hooked up at the house for some break up sex. Which in hindsight probably wasn't such a good idea. I would have taken him back in a second...many times over. I read my journal entries from then and can't believe what a whimpy sap I was. Believe it or not, right after I started seeing my Kelly, the ex called and asked if there were any chance at all for us to get back together. It was the first time that my heart didn't flutter at the thought. That was when I knew I was ready to move on. Granted it was almost 2 full years after the initial break off, but at least I recognized the moment and wrote about it in my journal right after I hung up the phone with him.

The divorce was finalized on my 29th birthday. Happy fucking birthday to me! We've been very civil and downright friendly to eachother in the years since the divorce. Of course I have found out what my family really thought of him through the years. But family will tell ya whatever you need to hear to boost you up. We have 2 kids together, so keeping distance was never really an option. And I truely do value his friendship. I do whatever I can do to work around his schedule with the kids. I get gifts for the kids to take to him on Father's day and his birthday. I even got his new wife a mother's day card from our kids to give to her. Don't get me wrong, I hate her with a passion. REAAALLLLLY hate her. (she's the 'other woman' that helped bust up the marriage) But she's good to my kids so I can't begrudge her for that...I guess.

So what have I done that has made him so angry that he won't look at me when he comes in to give me a check for the dance studio? (Yes I texted him and asked if he was still planning on paying for some of it.) I was very nice in the text, and was not demanding at all. Although everyone else seems to think I play way to nice with him, and that I still let him walk all over me. Whatever. More over, why do I even care why he's mad, or that he's mad at all? I'm such a sucker...lol.

I guess some ties run a little too deep for comfort...ick.

Sometimes it's just best to ground myself...

Ugh. That pretty much sums it up. Do you ever have those days when you just know you should really stay away from people? That would be today. I'm oh so very cranky and in an incredibly foul mood. One of those moods that you would probably say all the things that you usually have the good sense not to say. One of those days when the usual 'under your breath' mutterings would come out loud and clear.

Days when you would tell the annoying ass of a neighbor down the street that just because your kid asks to come to my house and play inside doesn't mean you have to say yes. I don't even like you and I certainly don't want to be in charge of your kid. I can't even understand a word he says. Teach him how to talk for cryin' out loud!

I would even tell the stranger making comments about my hubby and fellow peep that she doesn't know us well enough to call us names. Yes, I can call them names, and the inner circle can call them names. You, my dear, may not, and you show incredible poor judgement and lack of taste in doing so.

And ohhh yes, I would tell the jackass that is my exhusband, that when you say your going to pay something, you should probably do it. Don't tell me "Just shut up and let me pay for the rest of the girls' dance', and then give me one check for $150.00 and then forget that you ever said that. That will get you a big 'F' you from me. That just reassures me that I can not now, nor ever, count on you.

Oh I'd let loose with both barrels today, and I might even lose some friends over the things I'd say. And I know I'd make more than 1 child cry. I might even make a dog or two cower in the corner with their tails between their legs. Yes, days like today I just need to stay away from people...for my own good and for theirs.

...unfortunately my poor hubby has no place to go. So for the sake of my marriage, I shall make myself busy making photo mats for recital pictures. Hopefully, he'll be spared my wrath...

And now for a musical interlude...

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a fan of all things music. My tastes are all over the place and range from new to old, country to broadway and all things in between. Here now (since I'm a bit bored) are the songs my ipod tends to land on most frequently. If I were you (but I'm not) I'd take the time just to check them out if for no other reason than to kill some time.

Merry Happy - Kate Nash
This song, with it's doo doo da-doo doo's and talk of cheese on toast is just a happy lil diddy that makes me smile.

Crazy People - The Wreckers
Very distinct country twang and sweet harmonies. It's the perfect drunk chick country song about getting knocked up, knocked out and killing the sob's wife who did it...them him as well. It's all sung with a funny vibe and they just crack themselves up at the end of the song.

Ruby Blue - Roisin Murphy
Definite dance tunage. Makes you have an attitude, and you can't help but groove to the catchy beat and Austin Powers like vibe. Very Groooovy baby.

Gravity - Sara Bareilles
Yup, heard this song for the first time on So You Think You Can Dance and instantly fell in love with it. The melody is haunting and it makes you completely chill out. Of course, I see the dance that was done to it in my head, which just intensifies the meaning of the song. Look up Kayla & Kupono addiction on you tube to see the dance...no really...do it.

Very Busy People - The Limousines
Warning-explicit lyrics. Fun song though.."so come and knock upon our door, it's open whatchyou waitin for, we might be sprawled out on the floor, but we still make lovely company." Really? How can that not be a great song?

The Outsiders - Needtobreathe
I CAN NOT get enough of this song! And believe it or not, they sound just as incredible live and acoustic as they do on the single. They are a Christian group and their songs have fabulous lyrics and melodies. Just AMAZING...check it out NOW!

Pink Moon - Nick Drake
Can you say Mellow? I know I can.

Rainbow Connection - Draw Tippy
Yup, Kermit's song done up all punky...very cool!

Yesterday - Boyz II Men
A-Capella version of a classic song. Boyz II Men does a-capella like no one's business. Crazy good. No matter how many times I listen...I still get goosebumps every time.

Swing Life Away - Rise Against (acoustic version)
I've just always liked this song. "Sit on the front porch and swing life away..." Cool man...

Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap
This song was sampled in the current hit Whatcha Say by Jason Derulo. The sample does not do the original song justice. The melody is magical and flowing, and the lack of backing music makes the song incredible.

Mad - Ne-Yo
I loved this song way before Philip and Janeen danced it on SYTYCD. I love Ne-Yo's voice...smooth and velvety.

You and I - Ingrid Michaelson
Quirky and upbeat...two wonderful qualities to have in a song. Yay!


Oh I could go on and on. But I shall break for now and let you check out all the fab tunage listed on here. Feel free to let me know your faves...I'm always up for checking out new music!

I need a vaporizer gun...pronto

Wouldn't that be great? To just get rid of someone, without a trace. Not just anyone though. Only the foulest, most wretched people walking the planet. Like my husbands...oh I dunno what to call her...unfortunate drunken one night stand that turned into a lifetime of torture because she got knocked up. Oh, ahem, sorry...my temper flared there a bit. But seriously, I HATE this woman with every fiber of my being...no kidding here.

He was a 19 year old Canadian kid who had a penchant for alcohol. Being Canadian...he could legally drink at 19, and did...a lot. He got smashed at a party and had sex with this beastly creature. Oddly enough, he remembers nothing of it. Only that he woke up next to her, and walked downstairs to ask his buddies what the hell they were thinking to let him go upstairs with her. They were obviously all drunk too, so they could care less. At that point, with gallons of alcohol flowing through their systems, I'm sure she looked like a hottie. (ooh...uck...I think I just threw up a little)

When she came to him and gave him the preggo news, he was in disbelief. He came right out and told her he didn't want a kid, had no desire to be a father. He then offered to drive her to and from and pay for an abortion. I'm not saying that's right or wrong...I'm not getting political or righteous...just stating the facts. Somewhere in this crazy chicks messed up version of a brain, she though if she had the baby, he would stick around. Again, he re-iterated that would not be the case. She, being the sick headcase that she is, thought he wouldn't have a choice and went ahead with the pregnancy.

Now, my hubby did the right thing. He helped take care of her, watched her while he was going to school and working full time. He made it very clear through all this that he wanted NOTHING to do with psycho mommy chick. He got a job offer in the states, and took it. Pissing off said psycho mommy because her plans to win him with child would not work out. He again told her, I didn't want a kid, this was your choice to keep her. He moved to the states, and has since sent $250 every month to her. None of this money gets to his daughter, as the mom thinks it's far more important to drink and go out than buy her daughter clothes that actually fit her. Now she wants to ship her off to us for the summer, knowing that Kel works 50-60 hours a week and I work a full time 40 hour job as well. My kids go to a sitter during the day, and usually have extra-curricular plans in the evening ie: volleyball, dance, cheering etc. Hmm, can we say 'not fair' to leave her here all day by herself?

I'm not gonna lie, his daughter and I do not see eye to eye. She's not fond of me and I'm not fond of kids who don't listen to adults. Granted, none of this is her fault. She just had the misfortune of being given a wicked human being as a mother. So back to my vaporizer gun. I want it and a time machine. I want to go back to that fateful night 13 years ago and vaporize that scheming, horrible, nasty beast who liked to take advantage of blisteringly drunk younger guys. Life would be so much merrier.

...at least I can enjoy the fact that I can rub it in her face forever more, that I have the man she so desperately tried to keep. HA!!

Weekend tidbits...best title I could come up with

I'm Materialistic...so what?

So in my weight loss journey I have discovered that I respond quite well to bribery. I have a lil binder of things I want...mostly clothes and shoes. I tried a thing this weekend...If I could stay on track and log everything (I'm a member at fitorbit.com... Love ya Ilyse!) (for more info, visit the site) I would allow myself to buy something from my list. 2 dinners with friends, and a birthday party, and I ate nothing bad, and totally stayed on track. WOW that's a first for me. The idea of buying myself a new dress for eating right and exercising for 3 party, dinner filled days was enough to throw my willpower into overdrive! So I went to Kohl's on my break today and bought my dress. I now have weekly goals, that if I meet them I get to buy myself something from my list. So far it seems brilliant!

Me and kids...yeah we don't get along so much...

I realized at the birthday party this weekend that I really have no patience or tolerance for obnoxious little boys. Unfortunately I was surrounded by them at the party. I was already a bit cranky, and these boys were going to get the full brunt of my disdain for them. I actually told one of them "I know where you sleep and I can hurt you." What?!?! He's 11 or 12 or whatever he is. But this kid rubs me the wrong way every time I look at him. I sometimes imagine myself accidentally smacking him in the head with a baseball bat. I am a bad, bad person... I've always said I'm just as immature as the kids...and I tend to say to kids what other adults want to, but know better. Not me...I'm the psycho mom of the street. And oddly enough I think I'm ok with that. My kids?...not so sure...

The obnoxious Chrylser Financial guy...

You sir, can kiss my ass. ahem. I know I owe you money, my husband pays that account, not me. Talk to him. Do not call me at work and tell me you need a check by phone today. I don't respond well to people trying to bully me. I actually said, "sir, I Could give you a check by phone, but there's not money there, and it would bounce. Honestly, that wouldn't be any good for you, and it certainly wouldn't be good for me." And upon asking for my husbands work number? "I'm sorry sir, I can't give you that information, privacy act and all." When asked to have my husband call this afternoon? "Well sir, I can give him the message, but I'm certainly not going to dial the phone, and I won't force him to talk to you. So sure, I'll let him know, but I can't guarantee he'll actually call." I was pleased with my cleverness. I'm sure I'll be even more quirky next time he dares call me at work. Go ahead Mr. Harmon, I dare you.