Could it be?...He's mad at ME??

Not that this would be a first or anything, but it would go in a very short list of times. Well a short list of times that he's actually shown he was mad at me. It comes with mixed emotions. Curiosity as to why he's mad, along with an almost disgust in myself for even caring. Let's rewind, shall we?

My ex and I married a month after I graduated, at 18 years old. We had dated all through high school. I met him on a blind date set up by mutual friends when I was 15. (Of course I can hardly imagine even letting my daughter date when she's 15, but that's a whole 4 years away.) We managed to make it 9 1/2 years in the marriage. Ten if you count the time between when he moved out and when I actually filed.

The end came when I found out he went on a 10 day vacation with another chick, and a weekend getaway on top of that. To make it worse, SHE is the one that informed me by putting a picture she had taken of him at a hotel they were staying at on their way to Reno, in my mailbox. However, I didn't end it. I wanted him to stay. After several move outs and in's, he told me as I laid on the couch "I just don't love you anymore." Ouch. I simply said ok and went to my fridge to get a bottle of wine. I don't drink, but I did that night. I remember it was a nice evening. I went to the backyard and just sat and drank from the bottle. I can't remember now how long I cried, but I know I was out there a long ass time.

After it was 'over' there were several times that we hooked up at the house for some break up sex. Which in hindsight probably wasn't such a good idea. I would have taken him back in a second...many times over. I read my journal entries from then and can't believe what a whimpy sap I was. Believe it or not, right after I started seeing my Kelly, the ex called and asked if there were any chance at all for us to get back together. It was the first time that my heart didn't flutter at the thought. That was when I knew I was ready to move on. Granted it was almost 2 full years after the initial break off, but at least I recognized the moment and wrote about it in my journal right after I hung up the phone with him.

The divorce was finalized on my 29th birthday. Happy fucking birthday to me! We've been very civil and downright friendly to eachother in the years since the divorce. Of course I have found out what my family really thought of him through the years. But family will tell ya whatever you need to hear to boost you up. We have 2 kids together, so keeping distance was never really an option. And I truely do value his friendship. I do whatever I can do to work around his schedule with the kids. I get gifts for the kids to take to him on Father's day and his birthday. I even got his new wife a mother's day card from our kids to give to her. Don't get me wrong, I hate her with a passion. REAAALLLLLY hate her. (she's the 'other woman' that helped bust up the marriage) But she's good to my kids so I can't begrudge her for that...I guess.

So what have I done that has made him so angry that he won't look at me when he comes in to give me a check for the dance studio? (Yes I texted him and asked if he was still planning on paying for some of it.) I was very nice in the text, and was not demanding at all. Although everyone else seems to think I play way to nice with him, and that I still let him walk all over me. Whatever. More over, why do I even care why he's mad, or that he's mad at all? I'm such a sucker...lol.

I guess some ties run a little too deep for comfort...ick.