I used to do this for fun?!?

I'm totally getting the hang of my new found zest for exercise. I can't say it's 'new' found, just found, as I used to love exercise as much Gilad, Jake and Tony Little. Anyway, I was trying to get around to doing the rockin' workout Johnny had planned for me, and my hubby (who just finished working a grave yard shift, and then came home and mowed the lawn) asked me if I wanted to go for a bike ride. I had to make sure I heard him right, because I'm pretty sure I've never heard these words pass his lips before.

I regain my focus and spit out "Uh, sure why not? What bike are you gonna ride?"
Kel responds "I'll ride the blue one out there that Alyson rides. I'll raise the seat and it'll be fine."
"Or we can run to Target and pick up tennis rackets and balls and head to the tennis court in Brunswick."
Ok wait...did he just say 'get tennis rackets'? If bike riding surprised me, tennis just shocked me. We discuss for a moment and decide that a bike ride was a more immediate plan. My fear with tennis is that we'd get to Target and A) realize rackets were too expensive and ditch the whole thing for a trip to Dairy Queen, or B) get the rackets and decide we didn't really feel like driving all the way to Brunswick and drive to Dairy Queen instead.

So we get ready, fill my water bottle and prepare to mount our 2 wheeled steeds. I look down and notice that Kel has on his black sandals.
"Uh are you wearing those to go for a bike ride?"
"Yup, I don't have any runners so these will have to work." is the response I get. I make a note that we have to get the man some real athletic shoes if this workout thing is ever gonna take off for him.
Off we go. There's a bike trail about a half mile from our house, so we decide to head there. I'm not sure how long it is, since I've never actually walked the entire thing. (It's a touch over 3 miles one way, fyi).
Believe it or not, the ride out was great. Well, that is, after Kel figured out why my bike wouldn't find a damn gear and kept skipping making it virtually impossible to pedal. My legs are feeling great, I have a little bit of a sweat going and my heart is pumping. Kel is riding right next to me and we're having conversations about stupid drivers, days at work and other off the wall topics. (And no, his daughter coming here was NOT brought up.)
We get to the end of the trail and kinda sit and figure out what we wanna do next.
"You wanna ride to your brothers house?"
I sit and try to absorb these words. He surely can not know exactly where we are. My brothers house is a 15-20 minute DRIVE from our house.
"Uh no, that's still pretty far from here." was all I could say without outright laughing.
"Ok, well you wanna ride this way and see what we can find? Maybe we'll take roads back instead of the trail."
"Sure, I'll get my bearings and see exactly where we are." I have to do this, because he has no clue.
We ride about another half mile and I can tell exactly where I am. I try to explain this to him with no avail. He's not too good with pinpointing his own location...ever.

I finally convince him to backtrack (after riding in circles for a bit) and take the trail home. We now have 90 minutes to get back home shower and be ready to meet my brother and sister in law for dinner. So we head back the direction we came, and I see a steady hill coming up. I really don't like hills. So I get a head of steam going down a little slope and get ready to grind up the incline. I'm focused and pedaling so hard that I have no idea how far back Kelly is. All I know is that if I stop I'll never get up this damn hill. I huff and push and get back to the end (or beginning depending on how you look at it) of the bike path. I'm wheezing and grabbing for my water. About 15 seconds later Kelly rolls up behind me and takes a slug of the water as well. It's at this point that I realize why the ride out seemed to great. As I'm looking down the trail, I can see that the whole thing now looks like it's on an ever so slight uphill grade. Meaning we were pretty much riding on a slight downhill grade the entire way out. Oh. No. All of the sudden I'm not looking forward to the ride back home.

I hop on and we take off. My legs are already screaming at me, my ass is killing me thanks to the torture device that I'm sitting on. I have sweat dripping in my eyes and it almost feels like I'm crying because it's starting to run out the bottom. I really don't wanna stop to wipe it off cause then I'd have to start again. And that seems counter productive.
'What I'd give for a Jane Fonda terrycloth headband right now' is all I kept thinking.

There was no conversation on the way home. I was focusing too hard on breathing. If I would have tried to speak, I'm sure I would've wiped out and just laid there on the trail waiting for the birds to peck my eyes out. Kel and I trade on and off leading. I just kept counting in my head so my legs kept pumping at a steady pace. I finally see the end of the trail. Thank goodness. But that's not really a good thing. The end of the trail means we still have the 1/2 to 3/4 mile ride back to the house. I pull out of the trail (which Kel has already pulled out a good minute before me) and sense a problem. I can see the substantial hill before me, and block out all pain so I can get another head of steam going to tackle it. Only my bike doesn't seem to be coasting down the small hill like it should be. I stop pedalling and notice that my bike is actually slowing down on the downhill grade. This can not be good. I try to pedal to speed up, I try to push my brake handles out in case they were slowing me down. Nothing. Kel is already more than half way up the hill. I say 'screw it' and hop off my bike to push it up the hill like a little kid. Hmm...my legs can only take tiny steps since they are so used to pedalling. This is now comical.
I yell at Kelly "Bring the car back and get me!"
Obviously he does not hear my pathetic call for help. He's stopped at the top of the hill and is leaning on the guardrail waiting for me. When I get just about to him, he hops on and rides a bit farther.
"Get back on your bike, it's downhill there!"
I'm so frustrated that I didn't even notice I had conquered the hill. I jump back on the bike and the problem that was there before has seemed to disappear...of course.
I see our road and get a burst of energy. I cross the street and get back into my rhythm. Of course the road leading to ours is a steady slight incline. But I know the finish is in sight so I'm not stopping. My cadence is sharp and steady. I pass Kelly and know that I must look like my neighbors dog when he gets loose and is running to my house for a piece of bologna. I WILL get there, and I will get there soon! Please let it be soon, please oh please let it be soon.

I finally round the turn and feel the breeze in my face as coast down the wonderful hill on my street. I don't know where Kel is and I don't care because I can SEE my house. I just want to get there and guzzle a gallon of water. My legs are rebelling, my hands are cramping from holding on to the handle bars and my ass, well lost feeling in that about 20 minutes ago. I brake as I go into my drive and aim between the two cars. I must be all jelly cause I try to stop and can't keep my balance. I lean over and catch myself on my car. I can't help but laugh...that's some funny shit. I can't steer my bike between two cars. Kelly better not say a damn word about it either.

I get in the garage and dismount. I'm on the wrong side of my bike, so I ask Kel to put my kickstand down. I make it into the house and find a bottle of water on the table. I downed half of it before Kel even walks in the door. I collapse on the floor knowing that I now have 40 minutes to get ready for dinner. I look over, and Kel is sitting on the floor in front of the couch with his head leaned back...asleep already. I convince myself to stretch to avoid more pain later, and head up to the shower.

I'd say I earned the little pieces of Tigerlily, and Chocolate peanut butter Torte I had after dinner.

I still weighed in at -6 pounds for the week. So there.

uh, this can't be right and someone is playing a joke on me

First I'll start by saying that since I started training with Johnny I have dropped 4 pounds. Rock and Rolla! But since I'm an emotional eater, yesterdays events may put my weight loss in severe danger.
Revert back to my ranting post about Kelly's slimey one-nighter-turned-into-a-lifetime-of-regret baby momma. Then you shall understand how this news hit me like a two ton truck hauling a full load of bricks at 90 miles per hour.

The Child Is Coming To Live With Us.

Yes you read correctly. Apparently said psycho mother has gotten herself mixed up in some serious shit. She and her boy thing have pissed off some bad people and they are currently in some 'trouble'. (I swear this whole thing sounds like it's straight out of a script of a new Law & Order episode) I'm pretty sure the news of this put a look of disbelief combined with shock and I'm guessing perhaps a slight smile because I was waiting for someone to jump out yelling that I'm being Punk'd. (Not Ashton of course, because of my 'non-celebrity' status and all) I'm still not sure the news has completely sunk in yet. Perhaps I'm in denial. No, I know that I'm in denial. I can't really argue this pending arrangement, as it's a matter of her safety. That doesn't mean I have to like it, because I don't. Not at all actually. If that makes me a bad person so be it. I've always said I'm not good with other peoples kids. I tend to be the mean one if I have to spend more than 48 consecutive hours with a child other than my own. And this is a 13 year old girl who's about to hit puberty and begin her emotional roller coaster. She's never really dealt with a lot of rules, being the child of an essentially absentee parent. Oh this is not going to go well at all.

And what hurt the most? The fact that Kel started this whole thing in motion and never once discussed it with me. He's contacted a lawyer, has his sisters in Canada checking into legalities and asked his Dad and stepmom to let her stay with them until we can get her down here. It's almost like telling me (note: I did not say discussing because there was no discussion. I was TOLD she was coming.) was a side note to him. And that does not sit well with me. I have no idea how I'm even going to break the news to my kids. They don't like her to begin with. Ugh.

Needless to say I'm beginning to get a bruise on my arm from pinching myself incessantly. I just keep thinking that one of these times I'm going to wake up from a dream...a twisted, dark, not funny at all dream. Then I can make sure I never eat whatever it was I ate to make my dream so unpleasant to begin with.

Vacation's over, weight loss begins!

Oh vacation how I miss thee already! We spent a wonderful, relaxing, full of nothingness week on Hilton Head Island with my Brother and his family. Kel did not join us, as he couldn't get out of work. So the girls and I had a blast even though I missed him terribly. My poor brother was stuck in the condo with 6 women aged 44, 34, 19, 15, 11 and 9. And yet he still seemed to have a great time. He should write a book about coping skills...lol. We spent days on the beach and evening at home cooking meals. We didn't go out to eat, so we had none of that 'omigosh my tummy feels like it's going to explode from eating so much fried food' syndrome. It was awesome. And because of this...I managed to only gain 2 pounds on vacation. I'll totally take that!
Being on this trip has had an added bonus. It's renewed my gusto to lose weight. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I felt like a beached whale on the sand with a bunch of skinny mini's. Mmm...not a good feeling at all. BUT...like I said, I'm now ready to get down to business. I'll be damned if I let those skinny bitches make me feel self conscious next year! I had a going away party for my fat when I got back home, so I'm ready to send it on it's way.
Enter Johnny, my new online trainer. I LOVE this guy! I had messages waiting for me when I got back from vacay. He wanted to let me know that he was getting my plan ready, even though I wasn't back yet. And 2 other messages of encouragement. Yay! someone who 'gets' me! He's a good lookin (ie: hot) muscle-y guy who I'd hate to disappoint...so it's perfect. I've made a goal of being minimally 40 pounds lighter when we head to the beach next year. With his help I think, scratch that, I KNOW I can do it!
His meal plans are right up my alley (aside from the fact that there's no binging on cakes and pastry) and his workouts are gritty and athletic. I used to be a step and strength instructor and taught classes 3 nights a week...so I know I can do it...I just need the right workout.
So here's to the new improved and totally delicious me (well soon anyway)!!