I used to do this for fun?!?

I'm totally getting the hang of my new found zest for exercise. I can't say it's 'new' found, just found, as I used to love exercise as much Gilad, Jake and Tony Little. Anyway, I was trying to get around to doing the rockin' workout Johnny had planned for me, and my hubby (who just finished working a grave yard shift, and then came home and mowed the lawn) asked me if I wanted to go for a bike ride. I had to make sure I heard him right, because I'm pretty sure I've never heard these words pass his lips before.

I regain my focus and spit out "Uh, sure why not? What bike are you gonna ride?"
Kel responds "I'll ride the blue one out there that Alyson rides. I'll raise the seat and it'll be fine."
"Or we can run to Target and pick up tennis rackets and balls and head to the tennis court in Brunswick."
Ok wait...did he just say 'get tennis rackets'? If bike riding surprised me, tennis just shocked me. We discuss for a moment and decide that a bike ride was a more immediate plan. My fear with tennis is that we'd get to Target and A) realize rackets were too expensive and ditch the whole thing for a trip to Dairy Queen, or B) get the rackets and decide we didn't really feel like driving all the way to Brunswick and drive to Dairy Queen instead.

So we get ready, fill my water bottle and prepare to mount our 2 wheeled steeds. I look down and notice that Kel has on his black sandals.
"Uh are you wearing those to go for a bike ride?"
"Yup, I don't have any runners so these will have to work." is the response I get. I make a note that we have to get the man some real athletic shoes if this workout thing is ever gonna take off for him.
Off we go. There's a bike trail about a half mile from our house, so we decide to head there. I'm not sure how long it is, since I've never actually walked the entire thing. (It's a touch over 3 miles one way, fyi).
Believe it or not, the ride out was great. Well, that is, after Kel figured out why my bike wouldn't find a damn gear and kept skipping making it virtually impossible to pedal. My legs are feeling great, I have a little bit of a sweat going and my heart is pumping. Kel is riding right next to me and we're having conversations about stupid drivers, days at work and other off the wall topics. (And no, his daughter coming here was NOT brought up.)
We get to the end of the trail and kinda sit and figure out what we wanna do next.
"You wanna ride to your brothers house?"
I sit and try to absorb these words. He surely can not know exactly where we are. My brothers house is a 15-20 minute DRIVE from our house.
"Uh no, that's still pretty far from here." was all I could say without outright laughing.
"Ok, well you wanna ride this way and see what we can find? Maybe we'll take roads back instead of the trail."
"Sure, I'll get my bearings and see exactly where we are." I have to do this, because he has no clue.
We ride about another half mile and I can tell exactly where I am. I try to explain this to him with no avail. He's not too good with pinpointing his own location...ever.

I finally convince him to backtrack (after riding in circles for a bit) and take the trail home. We now have 90 minutes to get back home shower and be ready to meet my brother and sister in law for dinner. So we head back the direction we came, and I see a steady hill coming up. I really don't like hills. So I get a head of steam going down a little slope and get ready to grind up the incline. I'm focused and pedaling so hard that I have no idea how far back Kelly is. All I know is that if I stop I'll never get up this damn hill. I huff and push and get back to the end (or beginning depending on how you look at it) of the bike path. I'm wheezing and grabbing for my water. About 15 seconds later Kelly rolls up behind me and takes a slug of the water as well. It's at this point that I realize why the ride out seemed to great. As I'm looking down the trail, I can see that the whole thing now looks like it's on an ever so slight uphill grade. Meaning we were pretty much riding on a slight downhill grade the entire way out. Oh. No. All of the sudden I'm not looking forward to the ride back home.

I hop on and we take off. My legs are already screaming at me, my ass is killing me thanks to the torture device that I'm sitting on. I have sweat dripping in my eyes and it almost feels like I'm crying because it's starting to run out the bottom. I really don't wanna stop to wipe it off cause then I'd have to start again. And that seems counter productive.
'What I'd give for a Jane Fonda terrycloth headband right now' is all I kept thinking.

There was no conversation on the way home. I was focusing too hard on breathing. If I would have tried to speak, I'm sure I would've wiped out and just laid there on the trail waiting for the birds to peck my eyes out. Kel and I trade on and off leading. I just kept counting in my head so my legs kept pumping at a steady pace. I finally see the end of the trail. Thank goodness. But that's not really a good thing. The end of the trail means we still have the 1/2 to 3/4 mile ride back to the house. I pull out of the trail (which Kel has already pulled out a good minute before me) and sense a problem. I can see the substantial hill before me, and block out all pain so I can get another head of steam going to tackle it. Only my bike doesn't seem to be coasting down the small hill like it should be. I stop pedalling and notice that my bike is actually slowing down on the downhill grade. This can not be good. I try to pedal to speed up, I try to push my brake handles out in case they were slowing me down. Nothing. Kel is already more than half way up the hill. I say 'screw it' and hop off my bike to push it up the hill like a little kid. Hmm...my legs can only take tiny steps since they are so used to pedalling. This is now comical.
I yell at Kelly "Bring the car back and get me!"
Obviously he does not hear my pathetic call for help. He's stopped at the top of the hill and is leaning on the guardrail waiting for me. When I get just about to him, he hops on and rides a bit farther.
"Get back on your bike, it's downhill there!"
I'm so frustrated that I didn't even notice I had conquered the hill. I jump back on the bike and the problem that was there before has seemed to disappear...of course.
I see our road and get a burst of energy. I cross the street and get back into my rhythm. Of course the road leading to ours is a steady slight incline. But I know the finish is in sight so I'm not stopping. My cadence is sharp and steady. I pass Kelly and know that I must look like my neighbors dog when he gets loose and is running to my house for a piece of bologna. I WILL get there, and I will get there soon! Please let it be soon, please oh please let it be soon.

I finally round the turn and feel the breeze in my face as coast down the wonderful hill on my street. I don't know where Kel is and I don't care because I can SEE my house. I just want to get there and guzzle a gallon of water. My legs are rebelling, my hands are cramping from holding on to the handle bars and my ass, well lost feeling in that about 20 minutes ago. I brake as I go into my drive and aim between the two cars. I must be all jelly cause I try to stop and can't keep my balance. I lean over and catch myself on my car. I can't help but laugh...that's some funny shit. I can't steer my bike between two cars. Kelly better not say a damn word about it either.

I get in the garage and dismount. I'm on the wrong side of my bike, so I ask Kel to put my kickstand down. I make it into the house and find a bottle of water on the table. I downed half of it before Kel even walks in the door. I collapse on the floor knowing that I now have 40 minutes to get ready for dinner. I look over, and Kel is sitting on the floor in front of the couch with his head leaned back...asleep already. I convince myself to stretch to avoid more pain later, and head up to the shower.

I'd say I earned the little pieces of Tigerlily, and Chocolate peanut butter Torte I had after dinner.

I still weighed in at -6 pounds for the week. So there.