My dance studio home has had it's share of drama, as I'm sure most dance studios do. At least I hope so. I know not all of them are of the Dance Moms and Abby Miller caliber, but you can't have that many moms and teens in one place and have smooth sailing all of the time. I suppose the key, and the 'adult' thing to do is to rise above it and strive to be the better person. What happens when it's not an easy task?
As I said before, there was some major upheaval at my studio home. Things were said and done by many people on both sides of the issue. My post here is not to take a side or lay blame. It's to figure out how to move on and let all sides heal and prosper after the storm. I've been striving to stay on the high road, and not engage anyone in any talk about the chaos. That has been no easy task. Everywhere I turn, there's more gossip, more 'have you heard's?' and more stories. I have done my very best to politely remove myself from those discussions and have encouraged those around me to do the same. I do not badmouth any involved in the situation, and am focusing on the future of myself and my dancers.
But how do you deal with direct blows? I had to do that this evening, and I'm trying not to jump to any conclusions. Because assumptions are the first exit off my High Road.
Some photos were brought to my attention that seem to be mocking the dances that our studio performed this year. These pictures were posted to the Facebook page of one of the mom's. (I'm also starting to think that Facebook may also be a High Road exit ramp) Mind you, I have removed myself from any pages that could pull me back into that low place. But these photos were seen by someone else who informed me. I did not look at them, and encouraged the person to remove themselves from the persons page (which they did). Now I'm left here trying to figure out how to justify or interpret the photos in a way that will give me peace and let me move on.
I'm trying not to look at them as making fun of, or in a negative light. These are routines that the girls in the picture also danced in through the year. In what way would I see my daughter taking these types of pictures? Maybe it was just girls having fun, bored and wanting something to do. It's also very possible that they were all taken before the chaos and trauma happened. That seems highly unlikely, but I need to give every benefit of the doubt.
I think what bothers me the most is the fact that it was a MOM that posted them. As parents, we are supposed to be the guidance, the barometer of what's right and wrong, and the force that holds our children accountable. I have faltered many times in this area, and am very much a work in progress. But how can you publicly post photos of an entire group of teens seemingly making fun of another group? I'm having a hard time resolving this one in my conscious.
I will still stay on my High Road path, and will not engage, badmouth or wish ill will to anyone involved. I just wish everyone could put this in the past and move on. I'm trying my very best to focus on the future, and I truly wish everyone the best in their next endeavors. I don't want to have my daughter's or your daughters season ruined by what transpired at the end of the year. They love what they do, and they deserve to enjoy it to it's fullest.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Monday, June 10, 2013
Re-Vamping...Dance style!
I've decided to change up my blog a bit. It got really depressing writing about my failures and weight loss. I'm sure I have much more fun and witty things to write about. Since 95% of my time is dedicated to being a dance mom, I figured that's a good place to start. Who knows where it will go from there.
I have 2 girls, both of whom dance. One is a little more serious than the other, but they both enjoy it a bunch. I'm one of those mom's who usually feels intimidated by other mom's, so I frequently find myself hanging out with the girls. I must be pretty cool, cause they don't seem to mind much. Since I do spend time with them, I usually get a very different perspective on how they see things. I'd like to think that gives me an upper hand in how to deal with them. And I learned a lot this year.
Our dance season just ended. It was a very tumultuous year, and there was a great deal of upheaval in our company. If nothing else, I've taken away some lessons that I'll do my very best to follow next year.
1. Teenage girls can be catty and bitchy. And by 'can be' I really mean 'will be'. I don't mean some of them. I truely mean ALL of them. Even the ones that are totally sweet around the adults. I've seen every one the girls in our company in the past year at their very worst. And bitch just barely covers it. My kid is certainly no exception.
2. Teenage girls are also very sensitive. Some of the bitch-ness mentioned above comes out of a defensive mechanism. They are hurt, and want to lash out and hurt in return. Some of those barbs were directed at me, and being the adult, I had to learn not to engage and let them be teenagers.
3. Moms need to learn when to back off. I can't tell you how many times a mom stormed off, pissed at their kid because they 'couldn't do anything right' to help them. It's not that you can't do anything right, mom. Your kid is stressing out and wants to be older than she is, your presence and insistance on help is reminding her that she's still a kid. When she yells at you, don't yell back. Just say ok, blow them a kiss, tell them you love them and walk away. Their friends will calm them, and they'll be back to normal in no time. (I'll revisit this topic in detail in a future post)
4. Don't rehash with your kid when they calm down. When she loses it and yells. Let it go. When she calms down and is ready for your help, give it willingly. Don't look at her and say "oh NOW you want my help?!" Just don't. Just be happy she's come down from her bitch high, and go with it.
5. There are ALWAYS 2 sides to a story, and they're usually completely different. And with girls, both side are usually also very dramatic. Take the story they tell you with a grain of salt. I've had the girls tell me a story, and then the mom will tell me. Let me just say, where the mom thought she was calm, you would think that she had fire spewing from her head when the child tells it. And where the child thought she was asking ever so sweetly, the mom heard a prison warden-like command. Sometimes I think they weren't actually talking to eachother when the event happened. And Lord have mercy if the story is coming from two different teenage sides. You'd think it happened the Hunger Games arena. So unless you were standing there, don't wholly believe either story. And certainly don't pass it on.
Most of all, they are teenagers. Emotional, hormonal, growing-up teenagers. As much as they want to be treated like adults, it's our job as parents to find that fine line and walk it like a Flying Wallenda. Let them be grown ups when you can, and always be there to be their parent when they need you. It's a crazy dance, but one we chose to learn the steps to when we had them. The choreography is always changing, but luckily, we're fast learners
I have 2 girls, both of whom dance. One is a little more serious than the other, but they both enjoy it a bunch. I'm one of those mom's who usually feels intimidated by other mom's, so I frequently find myself hanging out with the girls. I must be pretty cool, cause they don't seem to mind much. Since I do spend time with them, I usually get a very different perspective on how they see things. I'd like to think that gives me an upper hand in how to deal with them. And I learned a lot this year.
Our dance season just ended. It was a very tumultuous year, and there was a great deal of upheaval in our company. If nothing else, I've taken away some lessons that I'll do my very best to follow next year.
1. Teenage girls can be catty and bitchy. And by 'can be' I really mean 'will be'. I don't mean some of them. I truely mean ALL of them. Even the ones that are totally sweet around the adults. I've seen every one the girls in our company in the past year at their very worst. And bitch just barely covers it. My kid is certainly no exception.
2. Teenage girls are also very sensitive. Some of the bitch-ness mentioned above comes out of a defensive mechanism. They are hurt, and want to lash out and hurt in return. Some of those barbs were directed at me, and being the adult, I had to learn not to engage and let them be teenagers.
3. Moms need to learn when to back off. I can't tell you how many times a mom stormed off, pissed at their kid because they 'couldn't do anything right' to help them. It's not that you can't do anything right, mom. Your kid is stressing out and wants to be older than she is, your presence and insistance on help is reminding her that she's still a kid. When she yells at you, don't yell back. Just say ok, blow them a kiss, tell them you love them and walk away. Their friends will calm them, and they'll be back to normal in no time. (I'll revisit this topic in detail in a future post)
4. Don't rehash with your kid when they calm down. When she loses it and yells. Let it go. When she calms down and is ready for your help, give it willingly. Don't look at her and say "oh NOW you want my help?!" Just don't. Just be happy she's come down from her bitch high, and go with it.
5. There are ALWAYS 2 sides to a story, and they're usually completely different. And with girls, both side are usually also very dramatic. Take the story they tell you with a grain of salt. I've had the girls tell me a story, and then the mom will tell me. Let me just say, where the mom thought she was calm, you would think that she had fire spewing from her head when the child tells it. And where the child thought she was asking ever so sweetly, the mom heard a prison warden-like command. Sometimes I think they weren't actually talking to eachother when the event happened. And Lord have mercy if the story is coming from two different teenage sides. You'd think it happened the Hunger Games arena. So unless you were standing there, don't wholly believe either story. And certainly don't pass it on.
Most of all, they are teenagers. Emotional, hormonal, growing-up teenagers. As much as they want to be treated like adults, it's our job as parents to find that fine line and walk it like a Flying Wallenda. Let them be grown ups when you can, and always be there to be their parent when they need you. It's a crazy dance, but one we chose to learn the steps to when we had them. The choreography is always changing, but luckily, we're fast learners
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Soul Searching
Well, Happy 2013 a month late! I have not wanted to post anything, since all I think of to write makes me feel like a giant hypocrite. I come here and try to blow some sunshine up my own hind-quarters and convince myself that I can do anything. The truth of the matter is that sometimes I just can't. So I've stayed away, in hopes of stripping away all my fake surface layers and digging deep into my true self.
I'm always hearing of people searching their heart, and finding the true root cause of why they over eat. There's an underlying reason the weight doesn't come off, or some past trauma that eating helps them cope with. I had hoped that by finding what my psychological trigger was, I could learn to recognize it and cope with it.
Well, I had a great childhood. I had 3 older brothers who loved me and looked out for me, and two loving parents that made a point to be a part of my life. No trauma there. I had friends, great friends that provided an outlet and comfort. I had a support system of extended family and friends for when things got tough. I had an activity...I danced on a show team and was later part of the drama club in school and had lead roles in both plays we performed. I had a boyfriend, and the relationship was great for 15 years. Yes, I got a divorce because said husband cheated on me. But let's face it, I knew it was over. And while it hurt and sucked and I still hate her, the divorce was amicable and my ex and I can still talk like adults and have meaningless conversation. The second marriage has been rocky, but He's at home, and I'm pretty much my own obstacle in that happiness. My insecurities are mine, and he doesn't see me that way (at least I think he doesn't). My kids are great. No disabilities, no emotional issues...just great kids.
So what then, is my big hang up? I have yet to conquer that question. What I have noticed, is that I have a new fear to go along with my fear of never losing weight and being forever unhappy with my looks. I seem to have a nagging sense that I will fail. I have a great plan for eating and exercise. But in the back of my head, I'm terrified that no matter what I do, how well I plan, I'm destined for failure. I'm only on my 3rd day of sticking to a routine, and every minute of every day is a struggle to not binge on everything I see. I love to eat, regardless of what it is. I've noticed that if it's sweet, I'll eat it. Doesn't really matter if I don't like it, I'll eat it anyway. Which makes no sense to me. I'm the queen of excuses when it comes to exercise. Though I have stuck to my plan the last 2 days, I can already feel myself working up an excuse to skip today. Like, Kelly is home, and I don't want to take time away from being with him to hit the basement for 40 minutes to do a DVD. Lame indeed. But on a normal day it would be a good enough reason to skip.
On a normal day.
Maybe that's the problem. My days are always too normal. I need to shake myself out of whatever pattern I've gotten used to. The 21 days to a new habit rule keeps playing in my head. Maybe today I'll make a 21 day countdown. Maybe today will be the start of my new normal. And maybe in 19 more days, I'll look back to this day and wonder why I ever settled for the normal past 2 years. In 19 more days maybe this abnormal feeling of success will be
My New Normal Day.
I'm always hearing of people searching their heart, and finding the true root cause of why they over eat. There's an underlying reason the weight doesn't come off, or some past trauma that eating helps them cope with. I had hoped that by finding what my psychological trigger was, I could learn to recognize it and cope with it.
Well, I had a great childhood. I had 3 older brothers who loved me and looked out for me, and two loving parents that made a point to be a part of my life. No trauma there. I had friends, great friends that provided an outlet and comfort. I had a support system of extended family and friends for when things got tough. I had an activity...I danced on a show team and was later part of the drama club in school and had lead roles in both plays we performed. I had a boyfriend, and the relationship was great for 15 years. Yes, I got a divorce because said husband cheated on me. But let's face it, I knew it was over. And while it hurt and sucked and I still hate her, the divorce was amicable and my ex and I can still talk like adults and have meaningless conversation. The second marriage has been rocky, but He's at home, and I'm pretty much my own obstacle in that happiness. My insecurities are mine, and he doesn't see me that way (at least I think he doesn't). My kids are great. No disabilities, no emotional issues...just great kids.
So what then, is my big hang up? I have yet to conquer that question. What I have noticed, is that I have a new fear to go along with my fear of never losing weight and being forever unhappy with my looks. I seem to have a nagging sense that I will fail. I have a great plan for eating and exercise. But in the back of my head, I'm terrified that no matter what I do, how well I plan, I'm destined for failure. I'm only on my 3rd day of sticking to a routine, and every minute of every day is a struggle to not binge on everything I see. I love to eat, regardless of what it is. I've noticed that if it's sweet, I'll eat it. Doesn't really matter if I don't like it, I'll eat it anyway. Which makes no sense to me. I'm the queen of excuses when it comes to exercise. Though I have stuck to my plan the last 2 days, I can already feel myself working up an excuse to skip today. Like, Kelly is home, and I don't want to take time away from being with him to hit the basement for 40 minutes to do a DVD. Lame indeed. But on a normal day it would be a good enough reason to skip.
On a normal day.
Maybe that's the problem. My days are always too normal. I need to shake myself out of whatever pattern I've gotten used to. The 21 days to a new habit rule keeps playing in my head. Maybe today I'll make a 21 day countdown. Maybe today will be the start of my new normal. And maybe in 19 more days, I'll look back to this day and wonder why I ever settled for the normal past 2 years. In 19 more days maybe this abnormal feeling of success will be
My New Normal Day.
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