My dance studio home has had it's share of drama, as I'm sure most dance studios do. At least I hope so. I know not all of them are of the Dance Moms and Abby Miller caliber, but you can't have that many moms and teens in one place and have smooth sailing all of the time. I suppose the key, and the 'adult' thing to do is to rise above it and strive to be the better person. What happens when it's not an easy task?
As I said before, there was some major upheaval at my studio home. Things were said and done by many people on both sides of the issue. My post here is not to take a side or lay blame. It's to figure out how to move on and let all sides heal and prosper after the storm. I've been striving to stay on the high road, and not engage anyone in any talk about the chaos. That has been no easy task. Everywhere I turn, there's more gossip, more 'have you heard's?' and more stories. I have done my very best to politely remove myself from those discussions and have encouraged those around me to do the same. I do not badmouth any involved in the situation, and am focusing on the future of myself and my dancers.
But how do you deal with direct blows? I had to do that this evening, and I'm trying not to jump to any conclusions. Because assumptions are the first exit off my High Road.
Some photos were brought to my attention that seem to be mocking the dances that our studio performed this year. These pictures were posted to the Facebook page of one of the mom's. (I'm also starting to think that Facebook may also be a High Road exit ramp) Mind you, I have removed myself from any pages that could pull me back into that low place. But these photos were seen by someone else who informed me. I did not look at them, and encouraged the person to remove themselves from the persons page (which they did). Now I'm left here trying to figure out how to justify or interpret the photos in a way that will give me peace and let me move on.
I'm trying not to look at them as making fun of, or in a negative light. These are routines that the girls in the picture also danced in through the year. In what way would I see my daughter taking these types of pictures? Maybe it was just girls having fun, bored and wanting something to do. It's also very possible that they were all taken before the chaos and trauma happened. That seems highly unlikely, but I need to give every benefit of the doubt.
I think what bothers me the most is the fact that it was a MOM that posted them. As parents, we are supposed to be the guidance, the barometer of what's right and wrong, and the force that holds our children accountable. I have faltered many times in this area, and am very much a work in progress. But how can you publicly post photos of an entire group of teens seemingly making fun of another group? I'm having a hard time resolving this one in my conscious.
I will still stay on my High Road path, and will not engage, badmouth or wish ill will to anyone involved. I just wish everyone could put this in the past and move on. I'm trying my very best to focus on the future, and I truly wish everyone the best in their next endeavors. I don't want to have my daughter's or your daughters season ruined by what transpired at the end of the year. They love what they do, and they deserve to enjoy it to it's fullest.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Monday, June 10, 2013
Re-Vamping...Dance style!
I've decided to change up my blog a bit. It got really depressing writing about my failures and weight loss. I'm sure I have much more fun and witty things to write about. Since 95% of my time is dedicated to being a dance mom, I figured that's a good place to start. Who knows where it will go from there.
I have 2 girls, both of whom dance. One is a little more serious than the other, but they both enjoy it a bunch. I'm one of those mom's who usually feels intimidated by other mom's, so I frequently find myself hanging out with the girls. I must be pretty cool, cause they don't seem to mind much. Since I do spend time with them, I usually get a very different perspective on how they see things. I'd like to think that gives me an upper hand in how to deal with them. And I learned a lot this year.
Our dance season just ended. It was a very tumultuous year, and there was a great deal of upheaval in our company. If nothing else, I've taken away some lessons that I'll do my very best to follow next year.
1. Teenage girls can be catty and bitchy. And by 'can be' I really mean 'will be'. I don't mean some of them. I truely mean ALL of them. Even the ones that are totally sweet around the adults. I've seen every one the girls in our company in the past year at their very worst. And bitch just barely covers it. My kid is certainly no exception.
2. Teenage girls are also very sensitive. Some of the bitch-ness mentioned above comes out of a defensive mechanism. They are hurt, and want to lash out and hurt in return. Some of those barbs were directed at me, and being the adult, I had to learn not to engage and let them be teenagers.
3. Moms need to learn when to back off. I can't tell you how many times a mom stormed off, pissed at their kid because they 'couldn't do anything right' to help them. It's not that you can't do anything right, mom. Your kid is stressing out and wants to be older than she is, your presence and insistance on help is reminding her that she's still a kid. When she yells at you, don't yell back. Just say ok, blow them a kiss, tell them you love them and walk away. Their friends will calm them, and they'll be back to normal in no time. (I'll revisit this topic in detail in a future post)
4. Don't rehash with your kid when they calm down. When she loses it and yells. Let it go. When she calms down and is ready for your help, give it willingly. Don't look at her and say "oh NOW you want my help?!" Just don't. Just be happy she's come down from her bitch high, and go with it.
5. There are ALWAYS 2 sides to a story, and they're usually completely different. And with girls, both side are usually also very dramatic. Take the story they tell you with a grain of salt. I've had the girls tell me a story, and then the mom will tell me. Let me just say, where the mom thought she was calm, you would think that she had fire spewing from her head when the child tells it. And where the child thought she was asking ever so sweetly, the mom heard a prison warden-like command. Sometimes I think they weren't actually talking to eachother when the event happened. And Lord have mercy if the story is coming from two different teenage sides. You'd think it happened the Hunger Games arena. So unless you were standing there, don't wholly believe either story. And certainly don't pass it on.
Most of all, they are teenagers. Emotional, hormonal, growing-up teenagers. As much as they want to be treated like adults, it's our job as parents to find that fine line and walk it like a Flying Wallenda. Let them be grown ups when you can, and always be there to be their parent when they need you. It's a crazy dance, but one we chose to learn the steps to when we had them. The choreography is always changing, but luckily, we're fast learners
I have 2 girls, both of whom dance. One is a little more serious than the other, but they both enjoy it a bunch. I'm one of those mom's who usually feels intimidated by other mom's, so I frequently find myself hanging out with the girls. I must be pretty cool, cause they don't seem to mind much. Since I do spend time with them, I usually get a very different perspective on how they see things. I'd like to think that gives me an upper hand in how to deal with them. And I learned a lot this year.
Our dance season just ended. It was a very tumultuous year, and there was a great deal of upheaval in our company. If nothing else, I've taken away some lessons that I'll do my very best to follow next year.
1. Teenage girls can be catty and bitchy. And by 'can be' I really mean 'will be'. I don't mean some of them. I truely mean ALL of them. Even the ones that are totally sweet around the adults. I've seen every one the girls in our company in the past year at their very worst. And bitch just barely covers it. My kid is certainly no exception.
2. Teenage girls are also very sensitive. Some of the bitch-ness mentioned above comes out of a defensive mechanism. They are hurt, and want to lash out and hurt in return. Some of those barbs were directed at me, and being the adult, I had to learn not to engage and let them be teenagers.
3. Moms need to learn when to back off. I can't tell you how many times a mom stormed off, pissed at their kid because they 'couldn't do anything right' to help them. It's not that you can't do anything right, mom. Your kid is stressing out and wants to be older than she is, your presence and insistance on help is reminding her that she's still a kid. When she yells at you, don't yell back. Just say ok, blow them a kiss, tell them you love them and walk away. Their friends will calm them, and they'll be back to normal in no time. (I'll revisit this topic in detail in a future post)
4. Don't rehash with your kid when they calm down. When she loses it and yells. Let it go. When she calms down and is ready for your help, give it willingly. Don't look at her and say "oh NOW you want my help?!" Just don't. Just be happy she's come down from her bitch high, and go with it.
5. There are ALWAYS 2 sides to a story, and they're usually completely different. And with girls, both side are usually also very dramatic. Take the story they tell you with a grain of salt. I've had the girls tell me a story, and then the mom will tell me. Let me just say, where the mom thought she was calm, you would think that she had fire spewing from her head when the child tells it. And where the child thought she was asking ever so sweetly, the mom heard a prison warden-like command. Sometimes I think they weren't actually talking to eachother when the event happened. And Lord have mercy if the story is coming from two different teenage sides. You'd think it happened the Hunger Games arena. So unless you were standing there, don't wholly believe either story. And certainly don't pass it on.
Most of all, they are teenagers. Emotional, hormonal, growing-up teenagers. As much as they want to be treated like adults, it's our job as parents to find that fine line and walk it like a Flying Wallenda. Let them be grown ups when you can, and always be there to be their parent when they need you. It's a crazy dance, but one we chose to learn the steps to when we had them. The choreography is always changing, but luckily, we're fast learners
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