The Diary of a Big Pixie

Ridiculous

2012-02-10T07:59:00.000-08:00

I've been very good for 2 weeks. Stayed in my calorie range, exercised almost daily, cut back on the sugary stuff. The scale hasn't budged. Not cool. I can feel myself already starting to fight off the the 'what difference does it make' binge urge. If I'm not gonna lose anything, not a single tenth of a pound, after being totally accountable and conscientious for two weeks, why bother denying myself what I want? Totally destructive behavior, and I recognize that. But still, it pisses me off and is totally discouraging. I shall persevere, I mean really, it's gotta come off at some point, right? RIGHT?!?!? ugh.

So, Here are last weeks stats from the challenge!!

Cas -6.22%
As   -5.11%
Pixie -1.12%
Jac   -.49%
Tc      0%

There's just one week left after today's weigh in. Big push to the finish!!!

Foiled Again

2012-02-08T08:38:00.000-08:00

With such good intentions and a fool proof plan, I was sure I'd get my workout in last night. Alas those best laid plans are all too often put asunder. Came home to find Hailey needing some help with homework. No problem, I'll workout after I drop her off at dance. Off to the studio we go, oh darn, I forgot I was staying at the studio to work on the headbands, which is the reason I wanted to squeeze the workout in before I left.

Damn.

Ok, new plan. Drop Hailey, do headbands, come home workout, grab Alyson at 8:45. Ok, good. Made it to the studio, does this solution work for the headbands Miss Kelly? Perfect! Take the girls for the cookie run, back to the studio, phone call from Kelly in Cincy. Alyson needs new tights and skirt...ok, quick run into the boutique. Time to work on headbands, oh wait...Madison needs her mask fixed. Miss Kelly, any new ideas?? ok, now to work on headbands...oh wait...Hailey's done with class already? Crap, ok let's go home so I can eat before 9:00.

Time for dinner! Shit, was there something I was supposed to be doing? No, I need to eat before 9:00pm. It's 8:00 and dinner is ready, turn on some Glee and watch the sexiness that IS Ricky Martin while I eat my healthy stuff. 8:30...need to leave in 10 minutes to get Alyson. SHIT!!! I was supposed to workout when I got home! Erg. Well there's no way I'm gonna fit it in at 9:00 when I get back...

On a bright note...I got up early and did the workout this morning. On a sour note...I had a bowl of chocolate cheerios last night for a snack.

So I ended up at 1538 cals yesterday. 77 over my budget. *sigh* For today....

Budget: 1461 Planned (Net):789
B: hydroxycut
     Shakeology with Banana, skim milk and 2tsp choc syrup (372)
L: hydroxycut
     HC chick Bac Ched dinner (260)
S: Fiber One Choc Caramel Coconut bar (130)
D: LC Garlic Chicken Spring Rolls (400)
     Steamfry Chicken flavored rice (230)
TVS: Popcorn (smart pop light butter) (68)
W: Kendall DVD (-185)
      Zumba (-385)
      Tap class (-136)

Here's to a successful plan execution today....

baby steps I guess...back and forth

2012-02-07T07:08:00.000-08:00

ugh. That sums up how I feel. The Brazilian workout that I did gave my knees some serious pain. Marjie said the other didn't do that, but now I'm discouraged to try. Kelly's out of town for work, and I miss him. Been gone for a week, and won't be home till next Monday. I've eaten extremely well and exercised for the last 2 1/2 weeks, and the scale this morning showed that I was heavier today than Friday...by 3 pounds. I don't know how many more adjustments I can make, or what other justifications I can use. All I have right now, is that my body is getting used to the Shakeology. The chocolate shakes are good. I've added, Peanut butter, banana, pb and banana, and mint extract. The Green berry however is rather disgusting. Can't stomache that one at all. Not sure if I can exchange or trade or anything, but if not, I'm out that money and will have to order more chocolate to round out the month.

I did buy a mini calendar that I planned out my shake and workout for the entire month. I took my measurements again, and of course they went up from last time...that was obvious and not a shock at all. I've gained 15 since my last measurements. But I needed to take them for the BB challenge, so I have a starting point.

Today's plan: budget 1461
B: hydroxycut and Mint choc Shakeology (233)
L: hydroxycut and Healthy Choice Chick Bac Ched. (260)
S: Fiber One Choc. Caramel Coconut bar (130)
D: Turkey Brat (2) and Pierogies(5) Sour cream (3T) (582)
TVS: Smartpop light (102)
W: Kendall Strength DVD (-200)
Net: 1107

Challenge Update!

2012-02-03T06:57:00.000-08:00

As the weigh in's have dwindled...there are about 5 consistant submissions...I will only list the people that email me with updates! These are the stats for last week:

Cas: -5.57% (awesome!!)
MF: -3.31%
pixie: -.56% (finally a minus!)
Jac: -.49%
Tc: +2.3%

So there's where we stand currently. But lookout Cas...I got my Beach Body package so I'm planning on making a surge for the next 2 weeks! Today is a weigh in day, so shoot me your weights so I can update the stats!

I've been getting many emails with such good information and tips from Fitness, Active and Live Well. Here a some of the best links I've come across:

*Hit a rut in your workout routine, or plateaued with your toning results? Try these tips to put some new fire in your current routine!

*These moves from Brooke Burke are interesting, innovative and get results!

*Bust out of your workout rut and banish excuses! I loved this article!

*Need new dinner ideas? Try these 500 calorie dinners to change it up!

I'm starting the Beach Body journey today. Had a choco peanut butter shake this morning, and will start the Brazilian Butt lift DVD's tonight. Today's workout includes Booty Basics and BumBum...for a total of 55 minutes. I'll let you know how I feel tomorrow... :)

New Direction!

2012-01-30T10:05:00.000-08:00

I won't post weigh in results just yet, as I haven't heard from some of my Monday weigh'ers. I will update that later this week.

As for me, I maintained all weekend long. This is a huge deal for me, as I usually put what I lost through the week, right back on during the weekend. The fact that I maintained, means that I will show a loss 2 weeks in a row. THAT makes me thrillingly happy!

As you know, in my last post I was thinking about doing the Beach Body challenge with the Shakeology drinks. I got a sample from my local Beach Body coach and tried it out this weekend. I was pleasantly surprised! I used the chocolate Shakeology mix, and blended it with 1 cup of 2% milk (would normally use skim but didn't have any on hand) 1 tablespoon of peanut butter and 3 ice cubes. It was very thick, so I'd add more ice next time around. But surprisingly tasty for a diet type shake. And it made more than I was expecting. I used one of the Coke glasses you got free from McDonalds (appropriate, don't you think??) and it was filled completely, just below the top of the glass. Someone had stated that the recipe I used tasted like a melted Reese cup, and I'd venture to say that it wasn't far off!
Weekends are very hard for me food wise. I have a hard time keeping myself occupied enough to 'not' eat. It's usually bad things, sugary things, that I'm ingesting. I had my shake at 9:30am to replace breakfast. Believe it or not, I did not think about food at all until 2:30, when I realized I hadn't been hungry all day! That was a huge bonus and selling point for me. So I bit the bullet and joined the challenge. At 160.00, it's not cheap. But that got me the entire Brazillian Butt Lift workout line, and a 1 month supply of the Shakeology. When I need more, I will only have to pay $82.00 for a 30 day supply, since I'm a Beach Body member. I'm still not clear if there is a monthly membership, but I'll find that out post haste.

So I'll keep you updated on how this Beach Body thing works out. I have totally high hopes for this!!

update!

2012-01-25T07:36:00.000-08:00

here are the current standings...I only got 4 weigh in's this week!

Cas -5.12% (wow!)
AS   -4.70%
Jac   -.49%
pixie +.37% (so close to hitting my start! lol)

I did not get weigh in's from the rest of you, so if you have it, let me know! Cas has obviously been working her lil butt off...literally! Nice Job!

I was invited to start a BeachBody challenge by a fellow Zumba instructor. She is a Beach Body trainer, licensed and all. It looks great and all, and there's a fancy shmancy shake that goes along with it. The downfall (besides the fact the cost has not been disclosed) is that it's based a great deal around doing a Beach Body video consistently at home.  In case you are not familiar, Beach Body videos are P90X, Insanity and Turbo Fire etc. Highly intense workouts. Now, I know myself very well. The reason I don't already do these videos, is because I know I will not put forth maximum effort alone in my living room. As soon as it gets too hard, I'll quit. Now, if I was in a class in a group setting, that's a whole different story. I'll be damned if I give up in front of a group of people. If have only learned one thing about my workout preferences over the years, it's that I am totally a group fitness person. I have to have that competitive fire...even if I'm not competing, and don't know the other people in the room. I work harder knowing that someone is watching me, and would see me fail and or give up. I emailed the trainer this, so we'll see if she has any options. I don't think she's terribly local, so I'm pretty sure she doesn't teach a class around here.

Has anyone ever done or have more info on Beach Body challenges??

I obviously, cannot be trusted

2012-01-23T06:59:00.000-08:00

...with food that is! I am a bona-fide closet eater. To a ridiculously nonsensical extent actually. I had done relatively well all week with my food choices (ok upon further review, I did not do as well as I thought since I had funeral dinner days this week), and then was left alone for the better part of the weekend. If I'm left alone with food, I cave. If I go to the grocery store alone, bad things happen. I went to the store to get toilet paper and cleaner...I came home with a a package of cookies...and McDonalds. (**On a more positive note I did NOT get pop...haven't had a soda since 1/3!!) Of course the guilt of having the girls or Kelly SEE that I caved made me then inhale said cookies (yes the whole package) before they got home. Then I buried the McD's bag in the garbage so no one could see I had it. OH! Let's back track shall we?? I went to Buehlers on Friday during my lunch break for snacks to take to game night with the family. I ended up leaving with a package of Troyers sugar cookies...and again proceeded to eat all but 4 before Kelly got home. Then I hid them, and had the remaining 4 with breakfast Saturday morning and again buried the packaging in the trash. I think I have a serious issue, and I am at a loss on how to conquer my sugar cravings. I know eating sugar makes you want more sugar, and trust me...I can totally vouche for that being true. When I go on a sugar bender, I go full force! So the damage from the weekend, and my inability to say no when Kelly says "dinner out tonight?" ? I am up 3.5 since Friday. This is getting ridiculous, and I just may need an intervention.

update!

2012-01-09T09:29:00.000-08:00

So not many of you emailed me with a weigh in this week. So I'll put standings for thus far in the challenge, regardless of the date of your last weigh in.

AS: -3.72%
Cas: -3.0%
MF: -2.85%
wtf: -2.27%
Jac: - .89%
LS: - .47%
TC: 0%
pixiestc: +1.66%

That's where we stand as of right now! So get your weigh in's to me, or your start weights!

Kel and I have decided to take a getaway vacation. The plan is to go late February. Which means I have about 6-7 weeks to look at least semi decent. The thought of going away to somewhere that I would have to dress beachy, absolutely terrifies me. I am sooo unhappy in my own skin at this point that I can't even look in a mirror without crying. Ew. So... Zumba with Sarah on Monday's, Spin class on Tuesday, Tap class on Weds, Zumba at either the studio or the town hall or my living room on Thursday. I'm going to bite the bullet and join Curves. I'm back to squeezing in some weight lifting exercises during bathroom breaks. I'm back on the Hydroxycut. Now I just need to get some willpower over food. That's always my downfall. If I can get Kelly to help me, I can do it. Unfortunately, he usually isn't very helpful on the food front...lol.

Check out this article for motivational tips! This workout is crazy good, withough being crazy difficult!

I've been good taking pictures for my scrapbook...some busy mornings have made me miss a couple. But I think I have 3 sets so far (front and side view). Lets just say....um, blech. But I'll get the January page posted when it's done. (fingers crossed).

ka-frazzled!

2012-01-04T08:39:00.000-08:00

I am currently a mixed bag of irritated, frustrated, pissed off, discourgaed, stressed out, determined and exasperated. My brain can not seem to focus on one thing, as I feel like I have a million things that need to be accomplished. None of these 'things' can keep my attention long enough to be completed. Not that I have an unusually short attention span, I just seem to be losing focus. The one thing that I seem to have no problem accomplishing?? Shoving food in my mouth that seems to be forever piling onto every unattractive inch of my expanding body. I can feel every potato chip that I ate last night. They settled comfortably and evenly onto each one of my ass cheeks, lovingly surrounded by the chip dip that accompanied them. The cheesy potato leftovers made a home on my right love handle, while the coke bottle gummies fit right onto the the left one. I can feel my 'bra fat' slowly adjusting to make room for the banana and pumpkin bread that are calling to me from the table in the lunch room, while the butter that will undoubtedly go on it will more than likely end up on my second chin.

I am extending the challenge to 2/15. At that point a winner will be crowned and the monies paid out. I'll probably start another challenge right after that. For the current contest, any new starters will start fresh, while those of you that have been so good, will keep your current loss percentage and continue to build on it. I have received challenge money from:

Cas
Jac
As
TC
pixiestc

So let's go! I'm getting back on my horse and trying to get a solid workout plan in motion. I have new links to share and will have them up soon. If I can turn the vacuum cleaner that is my mouth off, I might be able to make up some ground!

oh dear.

2012-01-02T07:45:00.000-08:00

yes, i did what I said I wouldn't do. I let my weight totally balloon over the holiday break. I'm at my heaviest weight ever. 223. How the f*ck did I let that happen? It is what it is, and I need to deal with it. and I am. I bought a new HR monitor with the chest strap to help with my tracking. I'm getting my workout schedule finalized. My biggest hurdle is food. i just like it. A bit too much. I need to gradually scale back my calories and drastically cut back the sugar. That's the hard part...I love sugary stuff. But baby steps need to be taken before i can make giant leaps. I've learned this from experience. so again, here we go from the beginning.

I have gotten weigh in's from several of you during the break. Gold stars for you! I'm going to extend the competition...if I have no objections. I can't end the challenge at a 'plus' percentage. That's a shitty way to start the new year! I have some serious catching up to do with those of you who lost over the holiday! My hat is off to you, and I am using you as my motivation to get back on my horse!

I just feel very cluttered right now. My house is still in holiday hangover mode, and It needs some serious de-cluttering and organizing. My diet is in shambles, and my exercise routine has all but disappeared. I'm making up my resolution list, which I usually do monthly ie: 1 resolution for each month. This year i have decided to just do a weightloss scrapbook. A photo taken on the first of each month, with my goals to accomplish on one page, and the opposite page showing my results from the previous months goals. Pages in between will feature any accomplishments I achieve not having to do with my listed goals. We'll see how this pans out. I'll share the scrapbook with you as it progresses.

As for challenge updates, I'm getting there. I'm a little discouraged, and updated the challenge seems daunting at this point. But all of you are depending on me, and that will keep me going!

Again, if anyone wants to jump in the challenge for the New Year, please do so. Still $5.00...still winner take all. CAS and AS are leading the way right now! you GO girls!!

So Sorry!

2011-12-22T08:58:00.000-08:00

Yep...it's the holidays! I'm crazy busy and time for blogging just isn't presenting itself! I promise I will update soon....thank you to those of you who have mailed in your competition money and your updated weigh in's. I'm thinking of extending the contest into the new year a bit farther. Turning it into a new year new you type thing. Because let's face it...dieting through the holidays really does suck! But your losses or gains here will affect your overall percentage...so no binging!

Thanks for bearing with me...and spread the word if anyone else wants to join for the new year!

updated week 2!

2011-12-15T12:17:00.000-08:00

I heard back from quite a few people, so I'll update results before tomorrow's weigh in. Sadly...I am no longer on top of the leader board. But congrats to wtf who takes over!!!

wtf-         -2.27% (awesome!!)
pixiestc- -1.85%
gmguy-   -1.64%
as-           -1.50%
plm-        -1.23%
mf-          -1.14%
jac-          - .89%
ls-            - .84%
lostsoul     0%
tc               0%
chickencrazy- no weigh in

My weeks have been pretty crazy...so I apologize for the lack of posts. You all are doing a great job! I've found that if Kelly isn't home...I'll eat whatever I can find. If you are like that with your evenings, here's a link to some Freezer Friendly dinners you can make ahead and reheat for a crazy or lazy night.

I'm all about resistance bands. They're cheap, portable and the workouts can be done in a flash and pretty much anywhere. Here's a band workout I found that's quick and an all over toner. It has the potential to be a favorite!

I've been a total slacker this week. My schedule has not allowed for any of my normal classes. Hailey was sick Monday, so I had to skip Zumba. Kelly's Mgr. party was Tuesday so I missed spin. I DID however only drink water at the party...big ups to me!! Wednesday was tap, but it was low key and I can't even consider it a workout. Tonight I have Hailey's choir concert so my Zumba classes are cancelled. I have a voracious appetite, and only seem to want deliciously unhealthy things. My tooth is real achey as well...I think it's my sweet tooth, and I broke it...lol.

Needless to say, I am not looking forward to the weigh in tomorrow. I believe the scale will punish me for my wicked ways this week. Just means I'll have to bust my ass to lose it all and then some next week!

Week 2!

2011-12-12T08:03:00.000-08:00

So I have been more than a little crazy busy and pre-occupied. So my posts have not been as frequent as I would like. Hopefully I'll be able to change that and get things going again. However! I do have the results from this week. There a few that I haven't gotten a weigh in from yet, but I'll update this post as they remember to email me...lol. So here's the rundown, totals are for combined loss:

pixiestc:      -1.85%
as:                -1.50% (great job!)
mf:               -1.14%
Jac:               -.89%
Las               -.84%
tc:                  0
chickencrazy   no weigh in yet
wtf                   no weigh in yet
lost soul           no weigh in yet
plm                  no weigh in yet
gmguy             no weigh in yet

As i said...I'll update this post as you all have your 'oh shit i didn't email' moment...lol.

This week will be just as crazy with Christmas party's (IHOP mgr party at Dave & Busters on Tuesday will be a trip!) School concerts, and the ever present trips to and from the studio. I did not log well this week at all. I'll try to remedy that this week, as it really does keep me accountable. My big goal for this week is to get all my water in. The party Tuesday will be a challenge, but since it's with so many people I don't know, and I'm the DD, it shouldn't be hard to stick to only water. NO SODA!! That's my focus for the party....no soda. Hopefully if I tell Kelly ahead of time, he'll help me stay on track. I'll post again later with some good workout links that I came across in my always handy magazines.

Stay positive, and fit those workouts in!

Week 1

2011-12-05T11:59:00.000-08:00

Here are the results for week 1!

pixiestc: -1.38%
mf:          -1.14%
chickencrazy: -1.02%
Jac:          -0.55%
Plm:         -0.50%
as:            +0.27%
tc:             0
gmk:          0

I did lose 2 pounds, but unfortunately gained 5 over the weekend. Hello there discouragement, nice to see you again. Hailey's birthday tripped me up a bit, but I can't blame the whole binge on that. It was simply my lack of self control. But I'm back on the wagon now. I reserved myself a spot in Sarah's Zumba class tonight, so my workout is locked.

Here are my stats from last week:
Workout days: 4
Target calorie days: 3 (days that I was within my calorie range)
Perfect pen days: 3   (days that I wrote everything down successfully)
Water mark days: 4 (days that I drank at least 64ozs of H2O)

The weight loss formula is simple. Expend more calories than you take in. Here is a link to a calculator to help you determine what calorie number you should be aiming for. There are lots of more detailed formulas for finding out how many calories you should be consuming. A little web searching can pull them up if you want more information.

For some tips on how to make it through the holidays, and still find your waistline, check out Fitness Magazines 25 tips to Fat Proof Your Holidays.   Today's workout post is for your booty. Try these burners to maximize your holiday rear view.

It's your last opportunity to join the competition! If you're interested let me know, and I'll get you added in!

checking in

2011-12-01T11:12:00.000-08:00

I know I've lost some, but I'm afraid to step on the home scale. We shall see tomorrow! Friday marks the next weigh in. So if you gave me a start weight, tomorrow's weigh in will show your current percentage. If you have NOT given a start weight...well, you are a slacker and need to send it to me tomorrow!!! There are a quite a few of you (oh like, SIX) who said you wanted to join who I haven't heard from yet! It's definitely not too late to start! So email me, facebook me, text me or reply to this post with your starting numbers. Let's rock this!

Tonight's workout...well it's my Zumba class of course! So if you're not doing anything, come join me at 7:30 at Medina Centre for Dance Art to get a calorie burner workout on! It's a perfect way to prep for a morning weigh in! The drop in price is $10.00 or you can pick up the rest of the session for 7.50 a class.

As always, my days are calorie conscious and right on the money. It's when I get home that it tends to fall apart. So I'll be looking for ways to battle the evening munchies. It's mostly mindless...I'm not hungry...just like to munch while watching TV.

Anyone have any thoughts or tips on how to combat this?

I'll have more tips and a workout tomorrow. Hope your weigh in is good to you!

Let's try again...

2011-11-29T09:00:00.000-08:00

I didn't get a workout in yesterday, because the Zumba class I was going to attend was FULL and I couldn't get in. Total bummer!! So I shall try again this evening. I called and reserved 2 bikes at the 6:30 spin at Medina Tone. Yes...2 BIKES. NO, not because my ass is that big (although it's close). Kelly will be joining me tonight! It will be his first spin class, and he said he wanted to try one. So I got us in, and hopefully it will be a permanent class in the rotation. I think he'll enjoy it, once he gets past the seat pain...lol.

I'm trying to log everything again, as that usually helps me greatly. It's almost shocking to see your calorie intake when you write it down and tally it up at the end of the day. Every program I've ever read about says that keeping track is an integral part of the weight loss process. It's a surefire accountability technique. So I made this adorable tracking sheet, and have decided to share it with you! Unfortunately, I'm a bit tech challenged and can't figure out how to get it on here. So, I'll send it to you via email when you get me your start weight...*insert evil laugh*. Those of you who have already submitted...check your mail for the log sheet!

Here we Go!

2011-11-28T09:36:00.000-08:00

I've only been contacted by a couple of you with your starting weights and choice of username (if you want one) If you have not given a username, I'll just use your initials. Of course I won't post until Friday...with your up/down for the week. So If you haven't contacted me yet...Please do so at pixiestc@yahoo.com. I need starting weight and your choice of username.

I'm officially on Detox. I ate myself silly in the name of my Birthday and Thanksgiving. Those actions ballooned my weight up to 217. My body is rebelling and my joints are not happy with me. So I need to focus on the competition here!

Tonight I think I will be hitting the Zumba class at Medina Tone at 5:15. I'm actually craving a workout. I came across an article in one of my mags called The Couch Workout. Check it out for some great excercises you can do while catching up with the DVR!!

Everyone has heard of the Bucket List. I myself, have a Bucket Book. I made my list into a scrapbook to be filled with the photos of myself completing each page. I have recently heard of people making fitness Bucket Lists. To me, this sounded incredibly motivational. I have some fitness related goals in my Bucket Book, but I was thinking of doing a separate mini Fitness book. Having a book or a list of goals that don't have anything to do with weight loss would definitely put a different spin on things. If I'm busy working on the goals in the book, the weight would just naturally come off. Certainly something to ponder...

3 of Mine?
1. Finish a 10K in good time
2. Take a Pole Fitness class
3. Run the Warrior Dash

What would be on your Fitness Bucket List?

The Competition is on!

2011-11-16T09:32:00.000-08:00

I've heard back from some of you, and I'm up to 7 people (incuding myself) that are up for the weight loss challenge! That's enough for me to get the ball rolling. So, here's the deal:

We'll be starting on Black Friday. Goodness knows I don't want to have to worry about weight loss over Thanksgiving dinner. You're welcome.

*11/25 through 1/6, that's 6 weeks.
*$5.00 a person, highest percentage loss takes all. You can turn Money in to me when you see me...
*email your weigh in to me each Friday. Weights will not be posted, only the +/- for the week. If you would like a user name used instead of your real name, let me know what you would like to use.
*I will post workouts that will use basic equipment, as well as classes that I will be in that you are welcome (and encouraged) to join me at.
*Posting on my blog is also encouraged! If you're having problems, we can all support eachother. I'll have all updates on my facebook page so you can comment there as well.

Any and all suggestions are welcome! Email me with your starting information, and I'll get everything set up. ANYONE can join in! Husbands / wives are welcome, as well as any of your friends that I may not know. The more competition, the bigger the winnings! So spread the word, and contact me to sign up!! NOW!!!

Focus

2011-11-14T07:23:00.000-08:00

I'm still feeling the effects of that Strength class on Saturday. Which is a good thing. I like being able to feel my workout, makes it seem worthwhile. I actually fit in a quickie workout this morning as well. Here's the link to the workout from this morning 11/14 AM workout. I did make a few minor changes, but nothing that really tweaked the workout. I liked it...the press to single tricep was a bit cumbersome, so I stuck with both arms...doing a reverse curl, to overhead press, to tricep extension...never changing hand position. It was still challenging, while not being too heavy. A 10 pound single tricep extension is a little heavy for me at this point. All in all...I liked it, it was quick and I felt my arms did get a workout.

I'll do some ab work during bathroom breaks today, and hopefully hit the treadmill tonight since Kelly is out of town.

Breakfast was skipped, as I didn't have anything proper to eat. I have to go to the grocer to get something for lunch and I'm thinking chicken soup with crackers, and a piece of fruit...perhaps an apple.

This week is a crazy chaotic one. If I can get myself and the kids to all the places we have to be, I'll be greatly impressed with myself! And my birthday is this weekend! I already have plans to meet my partner in crime, Piper, at JoJo's after the parade on Saturday. Any of you who'd like to join me...I'd LOVE to see you!

A Saturday blog...what?!?!

2011-11-12T05:45:00.000-08:00

I think this is the first time in a long time that I have actually sat down to blog on a Saturday. That must mean I have something good to say, right? Eh, maybe...lol.

So I went to the free Strength class at Medina Tone this morning. It was EXACTLY what I was looking for! There was no cardio, no froofy gimmicky stuff...just straight out strength with weights and a ball. That alone will get me to buy a pass! The staff at the door was very friendly and helpful, which is a far cry from my service at SHC. She even set up my place on the floor while I changed my shoes! Karen taught the class, and she was clear and concise in her explanation of every move. Just when you thought you had no more and were ready to quit, you'd hear her voice, telling you not to give up, you were almost there. It gave me just enough oomph to make it through the set. The excercises were varied and there was just enough time spent on each muscle group to work it to fatigue and move on. I highly reccommend this class! I'm hoping to get back to the open house this afternoon to try the circuit class and check out some of the vendors.

As I was looking through my goody bag from the open house, I found a little slip of paper promoting what they are dubbing "25 days of Fitness". it runs 11/28 - 1/2 and there is a cost of $25.00. With registration you are eligible for extra classes, recipes, free December membership, special gifts and priority seating for a Christmas Eve Spin class. For this, you must exercise 25 minutes or more for 25 of the 34 days, keep a weight and food journal, and weigh in with an employee once a week. This seems like a great way to keep the weight in check through the food laden months of Nov. and Dec. $25.00 is managable, but may be a little too much for some...but if you are interested in this challenge through Medina Tone, let me know!

If I make it to the the other class this afternoon...you can be sure to read all about it here! Have a great Saturday!

I'm hungry.

2011-11-10T13:17:00.000-08:00

yep...hungry. I think maybe closer to bored hungry, but hungry all the same. My saving grace..? I'm at work. So if I don't bring it, I don't eat it. I've been good all day long. I'm really trying here! Lean pocket, Healthy Choice lunch, and a granola bar. Add in the 4 Acai pills and I'm having a successful afternoon! Only 4 1/2 glasses of water, but hey...I have Zumba tonight so I'll easily get the rest of them in. So I'll type...to take my mind off the last 55 minutes until I have to face the real challenge. The fridge at home....dun dun DUUNNNNN!!! That's some daunting shit. Cause I know what's in there. Summer sausage and cheese that I successfully deleted from my lunch bag this morning. I'm on my own for dinner as Kel is going to a farewell dinner for Juan, who is leaving for the KY store. Ugghh...I dunno what I'll eat. ...more than likely summer sausage and cheese.

I have 2 takers so far on my weight loss competition. So the pot's already at $15 smackers. C'mon people...Help a plus size sistah out! I'll post workouts every week, post reccommended dvd's to rent from the library and keep track of all the stats. I'll even plan outings we can go to get some extra activity in. (still thinking about line dance lessons at Thirsty Cowboy...how can you NOT think that'll be fun!) And I'm sure riding the mechanical bull will burn some extra cals...right Mary?? (Red cowboy hats not required, but certainly allowed.)

good grief...you could even reply to my blogs with what you did good or what you ate that day. You just need to register...and if you need help with that...email me and I'll do it for you.

I would really like to make it through the Holidays without increasing my pants size, and I'm sure you guys would agree. So hop on my bandwagon for cryin out loud!

Oh yeah, Medina Tone is having an open house Saturday...which means Free Classes!!! Go to their site, www.medinatone.com and click on events for a detailed schedule for the day. I'll be starting at the strength class at 7:30am and hitting classes through the morning. Don't waste your Saturday morning...come workout with me so I'm not lonely and get a jump on the competition...PLEEAASSEE?!?!?!?!

hmm...look at that...only 43 minutes left. Go me!

I think I need competition

2011-11-09T06:48:00.000-08:00

ok...the scale is steadily creeping back up and I'm Freakin' out here! I may need some incentive to make me put down the cupcake and pick up the dumbell. I need a competition. I need stakes (not steaks). I need something to win that's materialistic and tangible. Hmm. I obviously need help, as a competition requires more than one person. But who of you reading this is willing to commit with me? It'll be a percentage loss a'la Biggest Loser (which I don't watch, btw). Totally a cash prize. Everyone puts in $5, and the biggest percentage loss by 1/31/12 gets the pot. 3 months. Simple enough. But I need enough people to make it worth while.

$5 is chump change, I know anyone reading this can afford it. But will you commit? Will you HELP me?? Will you help YOURSELF? It would have to be honor based, as I don't think I could get all involved to meet for a weigh in...lol. Or maybe I could, who knows. But you could email your weight, and weekly losses to me, and I'll post them here...only using usernames instead of real ones if you wish.

I need the help, and I'm asking anyone I can think of. Will you join me?

email me at pixiestc@yahoo.com if you have some interest...please! I'm getting desperate here!!

365 days....full circle

2011-11-07T13:28:00.000-08:00

Today's the day. I've been curious on how I'd reflect on it. Surprisingly, it's a bit anti-climactic. It was one year ago today that my world was rocked to it's core. November 7th 2010 was the day that Kelly decided that he needed time, space or whatever it was and moved out of our house. I woke up this morning and reached into my memory to capture those feelings. There they were, unmistakably fresh and painful. It took 7 months for him to go through whatever it was he was going through. And I waited, stood firmly by his side and hoped beyond hope that he, that we, would emerge from the darkness and uncertainty. We did, and we still are. There are still times that I find myself incredibly jealous of who knows what. My self esteem and confidence took a HUGE blow through this. And I'm still recovering from that. Kelly is getting back to man I fell in love with. He seems to have pulled a complete 180 in the last month or so. It's almost hard to believe. He and Alyson are getting along so great, and Hailey seems to be coming around as well. What have I learned through all this...?

1. Find someone to lean on... My sister in law Deb was my rock, my sanity and my guardian angel. I know that I could never have made it through without her, and I only hope that I can show her the proper gratitude for that one day.

2. Trust Yourself... I had friends tell me to give ultimatums, set an end date, make him decide. I kept coming back to 'he's my husband, not my boyfriend'. I took a vow. You can kick a boyfriend to the curb much easier than a husband.

3. Marriage is not easy... If only more people realized that before they got married. When I said 'better or worse' I meant it. He was and is worth fighting for...

4. He needed me to fight... Kelly needed to know that I was in his corner, rooting him on and waiting for him to come home to me. He is now more confident in my love than ever before, and knows he can count on me.

5. The kids know... As much as I tried to hide it, my girls knew what was going on. That made it hard for Kelly to be home. They tried not to, but they showed it in their actions that they were on my side. They did not like the fact that I was sad, and he was the reason. Alyson has forgiven, and Hailey is on her way. But they were hurting just like I was, and I needed to be more sensitive to that.

Above all else...it takes time... Such blows to a marriage and a psyche can be deep and painful. They don't mend overnight. Kelly and I are still healing, but the key is, we ARE healing. There are some in my life that still don't treat Kelly the same, weather they realize it or not. He can sense it, as can I. Our relationship isn't perfect, but it's back on the right track. A year ago today, I cried for 16 hours straight and my eyes were swollen shut. Today, I smile as I write this, knowing he'll be home to go grocery shopping with me tonight. Full Circle Indeed.

1st food holiday over...

2011-11-01T10:18:00.000-07:00

Ok then, Halloween is successfully over. I have a ton of candy in my house that will undoubtedly call to me every waking moment. On the bright side...my kids don't like to share. So they hide the candy in their rooms so Kel and I can't get it. That will work out nicely for me. Last night told me one of two things... either I am a total bitch, or my recent personal life inventory (don't worry, not posted here) was correct and quite insightful. Or quite possibly both. One thing's for sure...lesson learned.

So far I've mastered my food morning. Of course, I'm always very good at work. It's after work when my will power starts to flag. It's Tuesday, so It should be an Abs/cardio day. I've snuck in a few exercises here at work, and am hoping to hit the treadmill later. But even if the tread doesn't happen...I can always do an ab workout in the floor tonight while chillin with Kel. Maybe even get him to join me. A partner in this would be oh so helpful.

So here's me keeping my digits crossed that I can come through today with flying colors and dropping pounds!

November??

2011-10-31T09:59:00.000-07:00

I'm reflecting...   and after said reflection I'm left with...

Holy Shit It's November?!?!

     Hmm...I was supposed to be half way to my goal by now. Well that's disappointing. No need to dwell on that though. Might as well move on and deal with the present. Which reminds me that I got the little gift to myself...my 15 minute workout book. Which is fantastic! It has a ton of great workouts...and very few of them require equipment that I don't have. I don't know if that means not a lot is required, or that I just have a lot of dusty workout equipment at home. I'm going with the latter.

     Since today is the last day of the month, I'm going to set aside some time to make a plan. I'm going to set up a workout calendar for the next two weeks. I was going to go with the next month...but I need to take smaller steps people. My friend Lisa has decided that me dropping tap class is not acceptable, and has paid for my next session for me; a gesture that brought me to tears. So I think I'll make Weds lower body. Thursday is definitely cardio. So that would make Monday upper. Tuesday I'll throw in some treadmill work and an ab routine. Sunday is my off day...so I need to figure Friday and Saturday. Then the hard part...actually finding the time the add it to the schedule. They're short workouts...so I actually get up when the alarm goes off, and not 'snooze', I should be ok. But I reeaalllly like sleep. I can make this work.

    Food...ahhh my old friend. I shall not give you a makeover just yet. I'll work on the workouts first, then tweak the food. Like I said...baby steps.

     In other news...The engine is being delivered and Kel should have his car back this weekend. Alyson's first Trinity performance of the season went relatively well. Only 2 girls were in tears, Julia was clothed and had makeup for Zombies and Madison didn't hit the floor. That's a success to me. I love my dance family, and the dance mom's (and dad's!) are truely amazing people. I can honestly say, I just adore the girls on the team. They make me laugh and I would treat them as my own any day of the week...and I do. The countdown is on to Black Friday, and that list is also starting. I told Kel I was going out early...he laughed and said "no you're not, unless early is 9:00". Apparently he's caught on to my fondness of sleep.

Here's to Novemeber! Cheers!

Road Block!

2011-10-27T10:30:00.000-07:00

Oy! I have all these ideas, plans and such...and no idea how to utilize them...lol. What I need to do is work exercise back into my life. Since losing my classes...I've all but quit physical activity all together....owie. So, I need to figure out how to work it back in.

1. Get a home schedule going
   Pros: I can work around my schedule.
            There can be as much variety as I want.
           No one to gawk at me.

   Cons: With no accountability, workouts are easy to blow off.
             I usually slack off with no one to keep me in check.

2. Use the gym membership I currently have.
   Pros: It's paid for
            It's available on my lunch break.
            I can seclude myself in the aerobic room

   Cons: They make me uncomfortable there.
             I won't use the weights alone.

3. Hire a trainer
    Pros: They keep me motivated
             Workouts are constantly varied
             They are professional and know their stuff

   Cons: Um hello...Expensive.

4. Find a Workout buddy and get creative.
    Pros: Motivation to do the workout and not slack
             Confidence booster and confidant.
             Variety abounds

    Cons: Finding a buddy
              finding a buddy that works with my schedule

I guess for the time being I'll just try to force myself to work the workouts in. I'll get my own workouts and head to the gym for Zumba practice for cardio...and add my own strength routine in the big room. Being there, at least, makes me feel like working out. If I can get this whole Finding Fitness thing going, that would be fun. I'm trying to gather people right now for the Line Dancing class at Thirsty Cowboy. I have some that said they would...but not enough for my liking. Maybe I'll just have to grab Jill & Chris and the three of us will hit it. Oh April, Piper, Jen, Mary, Linda, Amy...?   I know you're reading this....Will you join us.....??

stand back...I'm about to blow

2011-10-25T08:34:00.000-07:00

Please pardon my rant for the following few lines...

Sooo....The gym cancelled my Tuesday class. Now this does not surprise me. What does surprise me the immature, unprofessional low blow that Miss Heather Suratt took when she told me about the cancellation. And I quote..."That's fine. I will take it off the schedule for Tuesdays. I haven't been real happy with how u have interacted with the staff lately anyway."

Wait just a damn minute. Let's go back here...way back to the beginning. There was one...ONE ad that was placed advertising new Zumba at the gym. I had to buy the big f'ing banner and then Nicole had to LIE to get me reimbursed for it. No other advertising was ever done. All facebook posts were put up by ME. I got email addresses for all my clients and updated them. The gym did NOTHING to help with that. My clients often complained to me how rude the staff was and that they were treated like they were stupid. Then when my numbers were down (shocking...that's what happens with lack of advertising) they moved me to a different room. A smaller room, with no doors, walls that didn't go to the ceiling, and right across from the Doc's office. I tried to tell them it was a bad idea...but who the hell am I to know.

I lost clients because the doors were open and they didn't want to shake it Zumba style for everyone to gawk at...which they DID. My first class...I was told...oh yeah there's an adapter for your ipod, no problem. WRONG...I had to cancel the class because their 'adapter' didn't work. I bought my own sound system...only to find that I was fighting with gym noise because the room was f'ing open! So I bought curtains to put up over the doorways so my clients could feel less self conscious. By this time...3 had already dropped out and left because of staff, room, sound or what not. AND THEN...they have the cubbies in this room...so all during class, people are walking in and out to get their keys, drop off stuff...irritating to say the least.

Then Heather came in when I was leaving a class that no one showed up for and told me...We're getting rid of all the morning classes...then had ME contact people with the emails I was SMART enough to get. To let them know that the classes were cancelled immediately. No warning, no class till the end of the month. She made me do the dirty work. Last time I checked...I was not part of your precious staff.

It then got to the point that the trainers were leaving their shit all over the place. Is it that hard to clean up after yourself? I would come in, and there would be mats, bosu's, medicine balls, steps...just laying around. So now I have to clean up the room that your 'staff' left a mess, so I can teach my class? Then they made me turn the music down ...because it was too loud in the doc's office. Hmm...didn't I f'ing warn you about that?? YES, yes I did. And you just come into the middle of the class and tell me to turn it down? Do you not get that the Music is an integral part of a Zumba class? my words to her were "I'll think about it". So yes, you're right...I guess I treated your staff, rudely. Bitch.

Whoo...well I feel better. On a lighter note...I ordered a book! A book of 15 minute workouts from Women's Health. I'll do them, share them, and then rate them. I can find 15 minutes a day, surely!

This fresh start feels stale already... :)

2011-10-24T06:56:00.000-07:00

Oh joy! Another Monday and another renewed vow of success! hmmph...how many times can you make that vow before you become a walking hypocrite? Nevertheless...Here we go!

Just some tidbits from the weekend...

~I certainly AM my own biggest obstacle...time to tear this bitch down! (thank you Jen! xo)
~There are people that garner a certain type of inspiration or commraderie from my posts. (thank you April! xo)
~Zombies look like zombies for a reason...they are dead and have been decaying for years. (Dance moms...I know you'll understand)
~Enjoy being the 'cool' mom/aunt/sister/cousin while you can...cause sometimes it just doesn't last.
~Money really needs to start growing on trees...right next to the dance shoe bush.
~Candy Corn is evil.
~Spouses are wonderful, but they are not perfect. Embrace their imperfections, and work around them.
~Workouts may be hard, inconvenient and tough to fit in...but that's why they're call workouts.

Exercise will be tough to squeeze in this week as it's watch week at MCDA. I love to go watch...just as much as I love to see my fellow dance mom's that I've grown to adore and form a sisterly bond with over the past 9 years. I need to get these moms on board the Big Pixie Fitness train. I think line dancing at the new Thirsty Cowboy would be a fantastic night out / workout blast!

I even made myself a logo with the help of my amazing co-worker Shane! What do you think?

yes. I suck.

2011-10-19T11:22:00.000-07:00

let me start off with....bllluuahhahhhh. Yeah, it's that kind of week. I stopped watching what goes into my mouth, and I've only exercised, oh wait...I haven't exercised at all this week. My body is not happy about it, yet not to the point that I'm ready to jump back on the wagon just yet. Kelly's car needs $4000 worth of work, so I'm cutting out any non essential spending. So my tap class will go by the wayside, the thought of joining Curves has been shelved, as well as going back to Sarah's Zumba class. If I'm gonna make this work I'm gonna have to do it on my own. which I totally suck at. Time to go through the DVD collection at home and see how I can force myself to workout alone. Early morning is really my only option. But Since Alyson is up at 6 and getting ready, I would need to invest in a new DVD player for the down room...so I don't interfere with her getting ready in the up room. Again...spending of money that is not currently available. But I have to do something. The me that I currently am...I'm not so proud of.

My will(s)

2011-10-13T10:44:00.000-07:00

I WILL remember my victory over McDonalds today.
I WILL remember why I'm doing this to begin with.
I WILL do this for me and no one else.
I WILL treat food like fuel, not fun (well ok, most of the time)
I WILL go all out in workouts and not half ass them.
I WILL do a pole dancing class. (yeah...I'm sexy)
I WILL get right back up when I stumble. (even if I temporarily lose consciousness from a food coma)
I WILL not let other people dictate my decisions.
I WILL not have a McFlurry tonight. (boo.)
I WILL honestly try to nix the late night snacking.
I WILL listen to Alyson when she says "No mom" (God bless that child and her iron food fist.)
I WILL start lifting weights at home again.
I WILL work my abs again (do a few crunches at tap class and I'm quickly reminded of how much I'm slacking)
I WILL be TRUTHFUL when I track my calories (uhh yeeaaaahhh...)
I WILL be more diligent in posting progress pics (let's face it...if there's no progress, why bother?)
I WILL LOSE THIS DAMN WEIGHT. period. no excuses. no alternative.

I have...an....ide-a...

2011-10-12T06:55:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with an idea just racing through my head. So I better get it down before I forget it. I come up with hairbrained ideas every once in a while. Most of the time they fizzle out before I think about them twice. This one seems like it might be cool though. Bear with me here...as I still have a hard time making it sound right in my head...

I have this thought of a fitness 'club' or group type idea. A group of people that meet once or twice a month to try something new and different. There would be a fee...maybe 5 bucks a person. Then we'd use that money to rent a room (fitness appropriate flooring and such) and pay for an instructor to come in and lead us in a class. For example, Bellydance, linedance, Kettlebell, Yoga, Pilates...then go from there and see what kind of crazy class format we can come up with next. Maybe even alternate classes with speakers on nutrition, life coaching, fitting in fitness for busy moms or meditation. Is any of this making sense? If we find a format we really like, we can always do repeats. The more I talk about it, the more excited I get about it. It'd be a support group of sorts...lol. Even for those of us who don't need to lose weight, it would be a good excuse to get out of the house and be with friends....and try something NEW!

So what do you think? respond here...or email me, or message me on facebook. I would REALLY like input on this, or let me know if you'd be interested in joining me. We'd have to think of a super cool name for ourselves too...

oh boy.

2011-10-11T11:43:00.000-07:00

Well I went and did it...I told the world of Facebook about my weight loss and my blog. Am I freakin nuts?? Well yes, that's a given. But hell, nothing else has worked, so why not let everyone see me. That way failure would be that much more mortifying. hehe. Good thing there's no camera at my desk to see the Taco Bell, Fritos, Pepsi and cupcake sitting here. Hey, I'll totally start tomorrow....totally...

At least I have my Zumba class to teach tonight...that'll work some snackage off. But (butt) seriously...I'm ready to try some new stuff. I may wander around Medina and see what kind of new and interesting exercise classes I can find. There's gotta be something new around here, right? Pole dancing classes, lap dance aerobics and strip tease are coming soon to Wadsworth...and you KNOW I have to check those out! There's some new classes at my local gym too. I've been putting off going cause I'm not the 'gym rat' type that takes them. But hell...maybe I can inject a little lunacy into their well regimented structure!

Now that'll be something to write about.... : p

Pattern...

2011-10-06T07:28:00.000-07:00

After waking up to a 1.5 gain, I can finally see the benefits tracking so diligently. I have finally found a pattern. It's an obvious one, yes. But seeing that my hypothesis is proven correct, maybe it will help me to make adjustments. I notice that I have a gain in the morning if I eat after 8:00. Yes, of course anything you read will tell you this. But seeeing the results in real life makes it a bit more believeable. It doesn't even matter if it's not a big calorie intake...my body just doesn't process as well after 8pm. So now let's see if I can put that knowledge to pratical use. I did not go to my tap class last night, as I wanted to spend time with Kelly. I cancelled plans to be with him. Would he do the same for me? ...well he's proven that he won't, but we know how to open communication lines now, so maybe we can address that??

10/5:
9:40 - Hydroxycut
11:30 - Lean Pocket b'fast sandwich (260)
3:55 - Hydroxycut
4:25 - HC chedd bacon chicken (240)
7:00 - Hamburger Helper Crunchy Taco (450)
9:00 - Fritos (200)

TOTAL: 1150
H2O - 6

Yay! A good loss!

2011-10-05T06:55:00.000-07:00

So according to the scale, my new friend, I lost 5 pounds since last Weds. weigh in. So Happy!! That puts me back down to where I feel like I should technically be starting...lol. It's not back to my lowest, but if I stay on track, I'll be back down there in no time, and well on my way to goal number 1 of 197, which is the weight I was when we got married. That's a loss of 24 since my highest weight. I can see it, so now I need to focus and stay the course.

10/3:
9:10 - Hydroxycut
9:55 - Lean Pocket b'fast sandwich (260)
2:40 - Hydroxycut
3:10 - Healthy Choice Chedd Bacon Chick (240)
4:40 - Snackwell shortbread cookie pack (100)
5:30 - Zumba! (45m -400)
7:10 - Turkey Cheddar Sausage 2 (240)
8:05 - Fruity Cheerios & skim Milk (300) (I ate this cause I was hungry and realized I was low on calories)

TOTAL: 740
H2O-7

Up down up down

2011-10-04T11:53:00.000-07:00

I'm a yo yo today...an emotional yo yo. I've been up down and run every emotional gamut possible. Right now...I'm sitting at 'stable'. I have new teaching prospects on the horizon, which is always good. And found a fitness class centered gym opening by my work...they have Pole Classes!! I am super psyched about this! I ate like crap yesterday, and didn't get a workout in, but maybe not as bad as I think, as I still lost a pound. Tomorrow is the official weigh in day, so we'll see what happens.

10/3:
8:54 - Hydroxycut
9:24 - Lean Pocket B'fast Sandwich (260)
2:36 - Hydroxycut
3:15 - Homestyle Chicken noodle soup (140)
5 Saltine crackers (70)
4:04 - Snackwell shortbread cookies (100)
7:00 - Banana Bread (400)
8:45 - Fruity Cheerios & Milk (400)
8:30 - Coke (120) damn...off the wagon

TOTALS: 1510
H2O-5

Not too bad

2011-10-03T13:26:00.000-07:00

The weekend was survived...and I came out of weighing the same as I went into it. So ther in and of itself is a victory. I had grand plans to hit Sarah's Zumba class tonight, only to find that there is no class this week. So now I'm left to find a workout on my own. Unfortunately, I know how that generally goes. But maybe tonight will be different, maybe I'll find the will to pop in a DVD and bust out a workout. But honestly, if I can get through with my eating on track...I'll chalk it up in the win column

Day 5 (oh I think my day numbers are off...)

2011-09-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

Had a lovely lunch with Kelly yesterday, and certainly worked it off at the 3 Zumba classes last night. Had 2 new ladies come and sign up for the session...bringing it to a consistant 6...with 2 more coming when their football / church choir commitments are up. We had a ton of fun and got a good sweat on! Even with the pizza and eating late...I still managed to lose 2!

9/29:
7:40 - Fruity Cheerios & Skim Milk (230)
12:12 - Newton Fruit Crisps (110)
3:30 - Marie's Pizza with Kelly <3 (3pc 900)
5:30 - ZumbAtomic 45m (-150)
6:30 - ZumbAtomic 45m (-150)
7:30 - Zumba! 50m (-500)
9:00 - Mini Wheats & Skim Milk (310)

H20 - 8
TOTAL - 750

All in all...not too shabby. I just hope I can keep it together this weekend!

Day 4 - late night strikes back

2011-09-29T08:20:00.000-07:00

My class was cancelled yesterday...and all my morning classes were then cancelled by the gym. So that put a sour note on my day. However, I knew I had tap class so I didn't let it sabotage my eating for the day. ...Until 9:00 rolled around and I was hungry and added my calories and realized a bowl of cereal wouldn't hurt. Well the combo of cereal and 9pm did hurt...I ended up gaining 2 pounds. You can't tell...but I am absolutely seething about it. So back to no late snacking...I'm getting frustrated and that's usually when I cave. Kelly is coming to have lunch with me today, so I'll have to be careful with what I do. However...it's my big cardio night, and I'll burn roughly 900 calories in these 3 hours. So I can afford to splurge a bit.

9/28:
9:21 - Hydroxycut
9:55 - Lean Pocket B'fast sandwich (280)
1:17 - Hydroxycut
1:50 - Healthy Choice Chicken Bacon Ceddar meal (240)
3:45 - Sugar Free Jello Cup (10)
5:45 - Campbell's homestyle Chicken Noodle soup (170)
4 Saltine Crackers (70)
6:15 - 2 Grands Biscuits (leftover from the girls' dinner yesterday 360) ouch
7:30 - Tap Class 45m (-200)
9:10 - Mini Wheats & skim milk (300) ouch again

H2O - 6
TOTAL: 1230 cals

Day 3...much Better!

2011-09-28T06:52:00.000-07:00

I learned that workouts are the key to whether it's a good food day or a bad one. If I can get a good workout it...I'm much more inclined to eat well and not ruin it. If my workout gets cancelled...I kinda figure the day is a wash and eat whatever. So I guess I need to figure out how to get a workout it no matter what!

9/27:
9:25 - Hydroxycut
10:10 - Lean Pocket Breakfast Sandwich (280)
12:20 - Hydroxycut
12:50 - Healthy Choice Chicken Bacon Cheddar meal (240)
1:30 - ZumbAtomic Demo at Overlook Elementary (80 min -300)
5:30 - Zumba (60min -500)
7:45 - Cheddar Turkey Sausage (2, 240)
          Salad (cheese, bb, croutons, sunflower seeds & Ranch 450)
          Crystal Light Pink Lemonade (2c 40)

TOTAL 450 (after workout calories are deducted)
H2O - 8 (yes!)

There was no late night snacking...I'm very proud of that. Evening snacking is a huge achilles heel for me. Especially since there are cupcakes in the house. I stayed strong and won...and the scale rewarded me with a 2 pound loss! Sweet!  And so far, I'm not missing my soda at all. But we'll see what happens with the weekend...that's usually when I falter.

Day 2

2011-09-27T06:38:00.000-07:00

I don't think I can completely count this as day 2, since I totally bombed day 1.

Anyway: 9/26
9:35 - Hydroxycut 1
2:00 - HC Cheddar Bacon Chicken (240)
4:00 - Sugar Free Jello Cup (40)
5:30 - 1/4 bag Chili Cheese Fritos (400)
6:30 - Mini Wheats & Milk (430)
7:00 - Cupcake (170)
7:10 - Spoonful of Frosting (150)
9:45 - Almond Tilapia (380)
          Green Beans 1/2c (20)
          Rice 1/2 c (180)
          Crystal Light (20)
TOTAL: 2030
No exercise (I knew it)
H2O-4

Shitty day. Packing on pounds. ick.

Week 1: Soda Detox Day:1

2011-09-26T08:18:00.000-07:00

Wow...shitty diet weekend. The scale says I gained 7 pounds in 3 days. I'm in denial. So first things first. This week, I have to nix the soda. It's by far the worst thing I'm doing right now. High caloric value and sugar content make it a no brainer to eliminate. I have weekly changes ready, and this is the first.

No shows for my class this morning, so now I must figure a way to get my workout in...perhaps leave a smidge early and drop in at Sarah's class at 5:15? I can't count on myself to do it alone, as that always falls through. I feel more stressed today than I have in quite a long time. shit.

I miss my Pepsi already.

Good Start!

2011-09-22T06:35:00.000-07:00

I did awesome (I think) yesterday! I even resisted the urge to eat a cupcake...I instead worked on my ZumbAtomic shirt for today. Wednesdays are designated cardio days since I have Zumba and tap class. Here's the rundown:

9:47    Hydroxycut
10:07 Fruity Cheerios & skim Milk (220)
10:30 Zumba 60m (-500)
1:50 Hydroxycut
2:40 Healthy Choice Chicken Bacon Cheddar (240)
4:25 Sugar Free Jello Cup (50)
6:10 Turkey Cheddar Sausage 2 (240)
        Salad (Ranch, cheese, sunflower seeds, bacon, croutons) (310)
        Crystal Light (20)
7:30 Tap Class 60m (-150)
9:00 Mini Wheats & Skim Milk (420)

TOTAL: 615
H2O-8 (yes!)

Zumba Warrior

2011-09-20T08:25:00.000-07:00

So I'm getting my plan ready...thinking of inviting people to join me in the Warrior Dash as Zumba Warriors. Fun! So today I'm compiling my grocery list, and planning my menu for every day. No guess work = No excuse to eat garbage. Hopefully that works. Also getting a workout plan for every day of week together as well. The goal is to post what the plan is...and if it works...others can join me in my Zumba Warrior journey. If no one wants to...then it's for my own personal logging and benefit. I have all the tools to make this work, I just have to utilize them. I've gained 5 pounds....and that's very frustrating. But I also know why, so that means I can change it.

So here we go...the postings will start tomorrow. Because I don't have them done today...lol.

The Warrior in Me!

2011-09-15T09:52:00.000-07:00

I've come to the decision that if I don't have a force pushing me, I'm not gonna get anything accomplished. So I've decided to run the Warrior Dash next year in Logan. Am I crazy?...absolutely. I'm hoping it'll make me realize if I don't start training and get my ass in gear...I just might die trying to run it. Jumping fire, crawling under barbed wire, scaling walls and cargo nets, running through mud...I must train to do this. Kel has said he'll train and run with me, and Abby said she'd do it with me as well.

So now... I need to make a plan...schedule workouts and force myself to hit weights. Cardio I obviously have covered...I'm teaching 4 classes a week (hope to add a 5th in Medina soon) plus ZumbAtomic. But I don't like lifting...so I have to figure out how to force myself to do it....ugh.

So here we go...Let's get this thing started!

Holy Hell where's the Panic Button!

2011-09-13T07:21:00.000-07:00

Someone Please take the food out of my hand! Arg. I'm having a bad body image day. Whoa do I feel, um, large. When will the madness end?? It's like I have hella good willpower and motivation for a week, then I fall off the wagon. And well, I just enjoy food...lol. If I could enjoy in moderation and not make a glutton of myself, it could be manageable. But I just eat and eat. The weigh in will not be pleasant tomorrow. HELP!!

Yesterday...(brace yourself)

9:30 Zumba (60m -500)
10:50 Special K Protein Shake (180)
1:30 Hydroxycut
2:20 HC Cheddar Bacon Chicken (240)
5:40 Banana Bread (a lot...700)
6:30 Hostess cupcake (220)
8:30 Pierogies (6-340)
9:30 banana bread (280)
pop - (300)
H2O - 5
TOTAL CALS 1760 (thank goodness I did Zumba)

Thankfully it's Tuesday!

2011-09-06T08:28:00.000-07:00

Oh my...I'm not to be trusted to be alone...lol. My kids and hubby were away this weekend, and apparently so was my willpower! There will be no menu posting today. Let's just say that there was Taco Bell, Wendy's and Dominics Pizza in my weekend. I binged...and I semi enjoyed it. But a quick hop on the scale is all the reminder I need to get back to the good stuff. A 2 pound gain over a holiday weekend doesn't sound so bad. Until I mention that I did not go to any Labor parties and eat. Hmm. I just pigged out at home by myself. Interesting. Nevertheless...that is behind me and I have lots of good things in front of me. Alyson came up with the brilliant idea of video chatting with 2 of her dance besties in the hotel room Saturday night to catch up on any missed choreography from the day. That way she can see and hear the steps. Man, that child is bright! She is sooo my kid.

My faboo friend Piper is recovering from her back surgery and finally got her staples out. She definitely made me feel better about the rehearsal issue. I love that woman! So keeping her updated on Studio stuff has turned into keeping her updated on my studio drama. Never saw that coming! I'm the 'fly under the radar and kiss ass when I can' kind of dance mom. Not that I see it as ass kissing...I just love to help out and be the happy go lucky helper mom. ...don't hate me cause I rock. (and I totally do!)

I honestly haven't felt this good for this long in quite some time. And I'm totally off my pills...which makes it even more amazing! Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself!

back to photos and menu logging tomorrow. That scale's gotta move down!

And then sh*t hit the fan!

2011-09-02T10:03:00.000-07:00

So this week has been marvelous; diet, exercise, mood, planning...all falling into place. Then *BAM* Friday hit. Wowzers! Alyson forgot her gym shorts so I was driving to the Jr high at 7am to hand them off when her bus pulled in. My class at the gym had to be cancelled because the sound system that I was told "Oh don't worry, your ipod will plug right in" had no ipod port so I had no music. I found out Saturday rehearsals for Alyson start a week earlier than I thought, and that's when we planned our first family trip in years to Cedar Point for the weekend. Alyson's Modern class got moved up an hour so now I have to see if mom can pick her up on Thursday's as well. Kelly is either crabby or pissed about the thought of having to cancel the weekend and seems a little cold to me today. Holy crap what is that all about!! Is karma punishing me for having a great week?!? bleh...I'm not having it. My stress level has been pleasantly low, and I intend to keep it that way. It will all work out, and food is not answer!

Intake/Ouput for 9/1 (happy September!)
9:23-Hydroxyvut
10:15-Fruity Cheerios & Milk (230)
2:09 Hydroxycut
2:40-Lean Cuisine Garlic Chicken Spring Rolls :) (200)
Carrots & Celery with ranch (100)
Slenderize blueberry & Raspberry Fuze (20)
Abs & Upper body (again in spurts during bathroom trips...lol)
8:40-Wendy's crispy chicken sandwich - PLAIN (330)
TOTAL-880
H2O-5

Oh, the hormones in this house!!

2011-09-01T07:37:00.000-07:00

So my poor Hailey has been in tears almost every morning before school. She hates it...but won't get specific. I think she's having a hard time dealing with the only girl her age (and best friend) on the street moving over the summer, her sister being at the Jr High now and the fact that she started her 'cycle' over the summer. She has hormones that she doesn't know how to process. It's made for a very stressful and emotional start of the school year. So now there are all 3 women in the house with monthly visitors...Poor Kelly...lol. I'm not letting any of this get to me and my diet. Which is a major accomplishment for me! I need to comfort Hailey and get her through this. And junk food won't help me with that. Believe it or not, that took me a long time to learn!

Calorie intake/ouput for 8/31
8:20 Fruity Cheerios & Milk (240)
10:45 Zumba! 60m (-500)
1:03 Hydroxycut
1:45 Healthy Choice Lobster cheese Ravioli (ew. Never again. 270)
        Slenderize Fuze Pomegranate & Acai (yummy! 20)
8:00 Pork & Beans (lol) (490)
        Hot dogs (2-340)
        Slenderize Fuze Blueberry Raspberry (yum! 20)
10:30 Skinny Cow ice cream bar (Dance Mom's snack hehe 100)
Totals: 980
H2O-6

Rollin'!

2011-08-31T06:39:00.000-07:00

Starting out as a lovely day! and I do love lovely days! I teach today, my last 10:45 am class. Next week moves to 9:30 and 10:30. My darling Alyson took the pie away from me last night before I could do too much damage (thanks B!) So yesterday was a decent day. Ate more calories than I wanted, but still stayed under 1700, which is my red light zone. I want to stay under 1500, and when I subtract exercise calories, I'm right there! And it's a picture day...not too shabby! Down another pound! I feel more focused and motivated than I have in a long time. But this is the weight where I usually get stuck, then go right back up. So this is an important week to stay positive and on track!

8/31/2011 204.5

Calorie intake/output

7:29 Fruity Cheerios & Milk (240)

1:18 Hydroxycut

2:12 Healthy Choice Cheddar bacon Chicken *favorite! (240)

Upper body weights (-150) (done in sections in the bathroom at work...I fit it in when I can people!)

Chicken Breast (baked-2) (284)

Steamed Broccoli (39)

Rice (3/4c) 140

Apple Pie (thankfully I think Kelly is finishing it off for Breakfast!) (1/7 437)

chocolate milk (190)

Totals: 1440

H2O-6 (gotta get to 8!)

Back...and I mean Business!

2011-08-30T10:47:00.000-07:00

So Much happening and going on! And it's good stuff too! I think Kel and I finally back on track...and you have no idea how much that relieves my psyche! It's still a work in progress, but I'm no longer worried that my marriage may be over. So that's a major positive! The weight loss..well that's up next...lol...As always. Zumba is great...my times are changing and ZumbAtomic is about to make it's debut at MCDA! AND I'm getting my Zumba Toning cert. in Sept...Sweet! Hopefully my gym, or even Medina Tone will add a toning class. Still planning the vacations...a beachy honeymoon getaway for Kel and I, and a family fun vacay for all 4 of us. I have a plan to get my finances organized and get things paid off...which will take a huge load off. (yes Mom, you are on the payoff plan!!) My fantastic Mother has agreed to cart the girls to dance so I don't have to leave work early, and Hopefully Miss Kelly will put her to work sewing some costume stuff for Trinity and the recital so she can stay busy and not be so painfully bored in her retirement!! (kisses mom!)

Seriously?!? Things are great!

Yesterday's intake/output:
8:30 Hydorxycut
9:30 Smart One Breakfast pocket (240)
10:45 Zumba! (1 hour -500)
12:24 Banana (105)
6:00 Digiorno Pizza (1/4 524)
6:45 Paula Deen Apple Crumb pie (1/6 510) boo hiss...yummmm
Cals: 879
H2O - 6

End of my rope!! grrrrrr

2011-08-11T13:02:00.000-07:00

So it seems that everyone around me is losing weight. My co-workers, my friends, my family, even my ex. So why can't I seem to get a handle on it? It's very frustrating. So I'm making my kids exercise with me at home. I'm taking Hydroxycut again (I know, I hear you all moaning) I'm considering Curves. I'm kicking my willpower's ass. I may start posting my daily eating here. Pics of the ugly truth to remind me of my reasons. I have to do this. I'm unhappy in this aspect of my life, and that annoys me.

Look out. I'm pissed. ...it's only at myself, but I'm pissed all the same.

Perspective pics

2011-07-31T07:25:00.000-07:00

so I seem to be on a losing slide...which in my case is a good thing! But alas, it's Fair week. Which could spell disaster as I love Fair lemoade and Fair fries...mmmmmmm.

as promised, I took those pictures with the 2 different attitudes. I like the results that came from it...

Frumpy 7/31/11 204 Fabulous!

So...lesson....it's all about how you present yourself. I look a full 15 pounds thinner just by looking confident and happy. I think that's a lesson we can all take to heart and put to good use!!

A lesson in perspective

2011-07-25T13:02:00.000-07:00

Obiviously my head didn't explode, so there was a loss last week. 1.5 pounds. I'll totally take that. This week I'm hoping for the best, so please keep your fingers crossed for me. My fabulously witty children have taken a shine to helping me out as well. Every time they see me reaching for something I should not have...they simply utter the 2 most hated words of this dieting female..."Bathing Suit". Believe it or not that's all it takes. So when they baked cookies last week (omg the most delicious cookies ever, from scratch even! Kel even said they were the best cookies he's ever had ((sorry Mr. Pete)) I came home to see a big computer printed note that said "BATHING SUIT". So thoughtful. However, I am ashamed to say...(and truely can't believe I'm admitting to it in print) to avoid being caught eating their cookies, I went to Walmart and bought my own. SHAME-FUL! I'm a closet eater apparently...lol. Oy I have so much work to do...

On a lighter note, I tried something this weekend, and the results actually made me smile. My perspective lesson. I'm always looking at movie stars and actresses in photos. I've always noticed that they always stand with their legs crossed for photo ops. obviously a look thinner trick that works. So, I decided to try it myself. Instead of taking my photo with a 'woe is me I'm so fat' look, I turned on my charm, crossed my legs, put my hands on my hips and flashed the camera a million dollar grin. And wouldn't you know it, the picture looked so much better! I'll post my experiment pics this week.

So, if that attitude in pictures can convey so much, just think about what conveying that attitude in real life would do? I realized...I do convey that in my classes, which is why my students like me so much. So I think I'll be perpetually cheerful, and see what reactions I get from people...

Wish me luck!

um...whoa?!

2011-07-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

OK, yesterday was fabulous! Kelly called on his way home from work in the morning asking me to meet him for breakfast. He had to be back at work by 6, so I wouldn't get to see him before he left. Yay for happy surprises! We met at Denny's and I had an English muffin and some fruit. Yes! I was totally good! That was a very proud moment! I did my Zumba class with minimal pain from my epically sunburnt legs. (Seriously, they are bad. Worse than my sun poisoning from too long in the tanning bed at 17 years old.) Then worked out my dance tuition, and Alyson can take all the classes she wants for less than I thought I'd have to pay. Bonus! Granted, I'm still paying both arms and a leg, but my kids are happy. And that's what I'm going for.

Today I woke up to even less pain from the cherry red appendages below my waist. I can even take steps that are more than 12 inches long, and I can just about straighten my legs without wincing. I added up my calories from yesterday, and was happy to find out that what I ate was way fewer calories than I thought.

So why then, since being very good and weighing only 206 as of Sunday EVENING, does the scale at work now read 2 f'ing 12? My good mood just plummeted, and I'm down right pissed off. Let's see, how is this possible? I started my period...could be bloated. My dinner was super high in sodium...could be retaining water. I stepped on the scale at a different time and after I ate breakfast. I didn't undress...pretty sure my dress and shoes don't weigh 6 pounds. Or maybe the scale is having a bad day.

All I know is...if it still says that tomorrow...my head might explode. At least that'll knock off 6-8 pounds.

And here they are...

2011-07-15T12:06:00.000-07:00

So here are the new pics...please look with caution....

7/14/2011 - 207

Well, that's not pretty at all, and frankly, it's a bit painful! I hate looking so large! I thought I did so well yesterday, until I wrote all the calories. Then I realized I did not do as well as I though. BUT....I will take this one small victory-while taking the kids to DQ (Kelly's idea) I did only get a small blizzard, and did not get the extra Reese's. Granted, that's still a whopping 600 calories, but I did downsize! It's all about baby steps at this point, and gradually weaning off the bad stuff. so for me...getting a small instead of a large is a nice little compromise.

My next plan is to get my original measurements from Brooke, and re-measure myself. It's been 3 months and even though my weight is not really fluctuating, I'd like to see if my measurements are changing. Hopefully they will be smaller numbers, and it will be a little extra 'oomph' to my esteem and willpower.

Feelin' Gooooooood

2011-07-13T11:37:00.000-07:00

So I took pics this morning with the intention of posting them. however, the email didn't come through, so I will have to post them tomorrow. They were yucky anyway...large looking...lol. However, I do have a totally different pic to post. I think I found a dress for the vow renewal we're planning. check it out...

It's got lots of ruching at the waist and is flirty and fun...just like me! You may not be able to see all the detail in the small pic, but it's totally cutesy...at least in like a size 8 it is. Maybe not so much in a 16-18...lol. But that will add to my inspiration and determination to lose 30 pounds by vacation. That will give me a good 6-7 months. That does not seem too incredibly daunting to me.

Yesterday was good...last night...ehh...i survived and lost 1/2 pound for the week. I'll totally take that! But I'm certainly aiming for a much higher loss next week. I'm shooting for at least a 2-3 pound loss. That gets me back to a point where I don't feel like a total failure...lol. I have all my goals posted in the front on my notebook that travels everywhere with me. So there is a constant reminder of my journey...which I certainly need!

Hello Monday!

2011-07-11T11:10:00.000-07:00

Well it was a busted diet weekend, obviously. But oh well, It's Monday, and the cookies are gone. My hair is freshly blonde again, and I'm feeling fabulous. Now to focus on the body. I need to work in more weight training, and know exactly how to do it. Tuesday and Thursday will be the Zumba Strength days. I'm excited to work out the music and hopefully I can con Linda into coming down and joining me. Tuesdays will be at home for sure, Thursdays I may do it at the gym. I'm bummed that I haven't been able to get a pic up, although I've gained significantly since the last (ok so 4 pounds may not seem significant, but it is). I'm not good at the self timer and aiming to do it myself, and the girls have been sleeping in the morning when I'm ready to take it. This Wednesday for SURE...lol.

So in the spirit of full disclosure I will tell you, the reason the cookies are gone is because I ate the last 6 this morning after Zumba. lol...what a goober I am. But moving on. My coworker said her doctor congratulated her on significant weight loss and I am now major jealous. I also am full on planning 2 vacays next year...What?!?! you heard it! Me and Kel are gonna take the girls somewhere, and then the 2 of us will go on a romantic getaway, (including Piero and his girl, which is totally cool with me) to a Caribbean resort somewhere. We're going all inclusive, and he's all in for renewing our vows on the beach. I even said I wanted us to write our own vows, and he was game. WOW!! That's big news! The smile has been tatooed on my face since that moment.

So I now have to get gorgeous and glam so he can flaunt me in all my glory on our vacations. And so I can feel totally confident and beautiful and his side.

GAME ON!!!!

Hi. My name is Stacey, and I'm a diet failure.

2011-07-07T08:04:00.000-07:00

Now that that's out of the way, I can continue with my morning. Lunch is being brought into work by a shipping rep...pizza. And I'm totally looking forward to it! I'm not going to beat myself up either. I'm going to eat a piece, maybe 2, and then focus on what excercise I'll do later to work it off. I like to eat, so I think it's in my best interest to think of burning it off, rather than not eating it. I like to excercise too, so it seems like it should work out just fine to me. We shall see.

I've gained 6 or 7 pounds. Not going to beat myself up over that either. Just get back to the routine and work it to suit me. I had a major Pepsi relapse this weekend and last week. So I'll get back to water and boost my confidence, since that's an easy goal to accomplish.

I'm getting my Zumbatomic (kids Zumba) certification on August 20th and am on the schedule at MCDA to teach 2 classes on Thursday nights. Boo-yah! That will help my efforts immensely! Kel and I went and bought baseball gloves and a softball and a new frisbee so that we can play outside instead of sitting on a couch. He really enjoys cornhole, so I'm looking into a set as well. Any thoughts on where to get one?

I'm forcing things to look up. Because really, in the long run, is there really a point to being gloomy? I think no.

So have a lovely day, and I'll be back tomorrow with more updates and what not! Ciao Bellas!

Moving on!

2011-06-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

It amazes me how one 24 hour period can be so up, then down, then up again. I think the up's outweigh the downs for this period. Let's compare, shall we?

UP'S
1. Emily is at my house, so my girls aren't alone and beating eachother today!
2. I have regulars to my Zumba classes already!
3. I ordered a banner to promote said classes at the gym
4. I got GREAT news about new kids Zumba classes that I will be teaching!
5. I came up with an idea for a Zumba strength interval class that I want to pitch to the gym.
6. My Laryngitis is almost gone!

DOWN'S
1. My diet is floundering severly (however the scale has not punished me too bad yet...stressing YET)
2. Kelly pulled 'a kelly' last night
3. I feel very very fat...more so than usual
4. I have this awful cough that won't go away and is pissing me off.
5. I had to give up my personal training sessions.

There ya have it....6 to 5 in favor of Up's. A win is a win in my book. Hopefully tomorrow I will remember to take the weekly pic. No matter how much I'm not wanting to!

blah...that about sums it up

2011-06-26T19:58:00.000-07:00

So this week and the weekend especially have been very taxing on my mind and my spirit. Which is irritating to say the least. I've been too busy to remember to post a pic, and it's prolly for the best. I've come to the realization that kel feels more like a roommate than a husband, and that's a hard pill to swallow. I know he's trying, but my patience is wearing thin and I still don't really know where he stands.

I don't know who the other instructor is at the gym, but I have this fear that she's going to be the hot commodity and her classes will fill up while mine just flounder along. I'm trying hard not to think about that, and won't talk about it to people, as I feel their eyes rolling when I complain about anything.

my diet has totally gone out the window the past five days, and my body can feel it. I feel sluggish and old. What will it take for me to finally commit whole heartedly to being fit and healthy? Brooke keeps telling me that I have to do it for me, and no one else. (Which is another sad point...I had to give up my personal training sessions as I can no longer afford it. My kids are my priority and their activities need to come first). There has to be that one thing, that one image that keeps me going, and keeps me on the healthy path. Why can't I find it? How can something so important be so elusive?

I feel like I'm at a crossroads right now. My relationships on all levels all seem to be in some kind of flux. I want to walk away and just throw it all out the window and focus solely on my kids. But what happens when they're grown? If I walk away from them now, what will I have when my kids are grown and no longer need me to be such a big part of their everyday lives?

Ah, what a pity party I'm throwing for myself! Hopefully getting it off my chest will alleviate some the of the negative feelings and I can move on. I just hope none of you reading this will hold it against me!

phew...sleepy!

2011-06-21T09:12:00.000-07:00

Well class #1 went well. There were only 3 people there, but for a first time class at a new location with virtuallly NO advertising at all, I'd say that's acceptable. 1 lady found me on the Zumba site and just came to class, another heard from the chiropractor and the third was at the open house. So now I'm taking the advertising into my own hands and getting a poster to put up on the outside door at the gym with all the available classes posted. It always takes classes a while to get off the ground, so I'm still confident that over the next couple weeks, the numbers will grow. All I know is...all 3 women said they would be buying passes and coming back! That's what I'm aiming for!

Between teaching my class, taking my regular class and working in the warehouse yesterday, combined with the fact that I only ate one meal at work...    I ended up -200 calories by the time I got home. Not good. But Alyson kinda kept me in check, and I didn't get any bad snackies at the grocery store. I didn't eat great, but I didn't go way over on calories either. Here's a rundown:

10:45 Zumba 60 mins (-300) just a guess, haven't had the monitor on while Zumba'ing yet
1:00 Lean Cuisine Orange Chicken (300)
5:15 Zumba 45 mins (-200)
6:30 mini frosted cupcake (150)
7:45 Lean Cuisine Garlic Chicken Spring Rolls (400)
7:45 2 oatmeal Cookies (190)
8:30 1 slice DiGiorno pizza (300) (stole a piece from Alyson, bad)
9:15 1 3/4 c Fruity Pebbles & 10 oz 2% milk (380)

Intake: 1720 (apx)
Burn:    500 (apx)
           1220
got all 8 glasses of water through the day. So although I stayed under my calories, my choices were hit and miss. Today's goal is to spread them out and remember to eat for cryin' out loud! Tomorrow is weigh in and photo day...I'm not expecting much. I am thinking of taking a more 'revealing' photo to show the whole ugly truth. No worries...there will be no bathing suit shot...but I may try a sports bra photo with my pants. Sometimes tough love IS the best medicine....

Wedding Weekend...survived

2011-06-19T12:37:00.000-07:00

Derek and Kim's wedding was yesterday, and I think i came out of it pretty unscathed. It was beautiful, Kim looked amazing and her dress was fabulous. I did find myself crying, and realized...I'm a huge sap! But even after attending other wedding's since mine and Kel's, I have not come across anything I would change about our wedding. i may be biased, but I still think that our wedding was amazing and totally fun. The ceremony yesterday had some great moments, but nothing that would have wanted me to do anything different on our day.

The bulk of my calories yesterday came from...wait for it... alcohol. yep, I drank and had fun. Granted I danced and burned calories, but I certainly didn't eat well. But i did meet the goal I set for myself with Kelly's help. I did not drink any soda throughout the weekend festivites. Trust me, I wanted to do, but I did not. I drank a lot of water as well. And I think i looked great...aside from my makeup...my rosacea is flaring and I didn't have good foundation to cover the redness. but I did get a fairly good pic of kel and I, which I will post as soon as I get it downloaded from the camera.

I start teaching at the gym tomorrow, and I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. I'm hoping that it will kickstart the weight loss efforts. Really hoping!!

keeping myself honest

2011-06-16T19:16:00.000-07:00

I didn't want to post this, but I will. I imploded tonight. All alone in the house and I started ok. had a can of turkey chili for dinner. Then had a piece of leftover pizza, a cupcake, a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and a bowl of Lucky Charms. WTF?? The cereal was with skim milk, does that help? And I only had 400 calories through the day (I'm assuming that's a contributing factor to my binging tonight) and an intense boxing workout with Josh this morning. Still...the guilt of eating what I shouldn't have is not pleasant.

This stems from the fact that I did so well yesterday, and woke up to a 2 pound gain on the scale. That pissed me off and started the 'why bother' thoughts in my head. Very detrimental. Once again I shall regroup and kick my ass into gear again. Starting now, not in the morning, now.

It's a big step for me to even admit I ate all that. Normally I would just pretend it never happened and then wonder why the scale is not moving in the right direction. I guess that shows that this blog accountability thing is working so far.

...I promise...the humor will be back tomorrow... :)

this is my alternative!

2011-06-15T18:31:00.000-07:00

I've done fabulously well today! Had a good dinner, good workout, and only snacked on some of Alyson's baked fries. Now, before I go to far, i decided to log on the ole laptop while watching SYTYCD instead of munching like I'd really like to. REALLY like to...lol. This is like my mini panic button. I'd love to be grabbing some ice cream, or a bowl of cereal. But No. I'm gonna blog, then go up and brush my teeth so the urge to eat disappears. I logged all my calories today, and I totalled 1320, and burned about 200 minimum in the workout. That's a good day!

any opinions on who's gonna win SYTYCD this year? I'm in love with Melanie and Marko...have been since their respective auditions....

Today is a new day!

2011-06-15T08:07:00.000-07:00

First off...yesterday was bad. Really bad. But that was yesterday. Where I was having a pistachio muffin for breakfast yesterday, I am having an equally yummy (it's all about perception, people) Strawberry Chobani Greek yogurt. Much better choice that I will certainly not regret later. The scale did not completely punish me for my unabashedly food laden week and weekend...I stayed the same. Which in retrospect, is pretty damn good.

Kel has come home after work every day this week. And since he's working 3rd shift, that's pretty impressive and I'm again cautiously optimistic.

For all of you who have decided to follow me with email, I greatly appreciate it. I do believe, that if you would like to comment, you have to click "follow me" and register with a google or yahoo address. ...and I do love comments... :)

So here are this weeks photos. They were taken by Hailey, so they are a bit crooked. These were her best attempts...lol I must say, the side view is not a very favorable shot of my ass. Wow, it's huge.

6/15/11 207

So I start fresh today with a renewed vigor, and hopefully I can keep it when I get home, and those cupcakes are staring me down from the counter.

Grr. Frustrated.

2011-06-14T09:28:00.000-07:00

One would think that with all the good things going on, I'd have no problem finding will power. One would think that the fact that I'm starting to teach Zumba classes next week would give me more than enough incentive. One would also think that I could find the brain power to make it finally click. Obviously, One would be wrong. I just love sweet stuff! Blizzards, cookies, donuts, cupcakes...all of it. I have a hard time turning it down or walking past it. I have to find that one thing, that one thought, that one method that finally makes the ambition stick. I though when I got down to 196 that I'd be so excited that I wouldn't allow myself to go back up. and now I sit at 207 again wondering what the hell happened? I happened, that's what. Seriously? I should not need someone to hold my hand and tell me that I shouldn't eat bad things. I should really be able to do it all alone. So why am I not? hmm...I think cause I just don't wanna. Maybe I don't want it bad enough. Maybe it's too much work for my sissy little self to handle.

I say NO. NO NO NO! I am going to do this! I'll finish the bad stuff today. I'll be done. I slipped and had a DQ fountain Pepsi this weekend...and it was sooooo goooood. So now I move on, 'x' out the slip up days and rack my brain for a solution to my food issues. Beacause, honestly...there just has to be one, right?

Here's last week's photos...a day before my dreaded photo and weigh in tomorrow...ugh

6/8/11 207

Tripped up again!

2011-06-07T08:14:00.000-07:00

Well I may have saved the afternoon, but the evening was a total loss. Bummer. Kelly was home, and the girls were with their dad so we decided to go out for dinner. We've (Kelly) has found a new favorite place in Johnny Malloy's. I again got a Pep. Mush. Calzone. On the bright side, I did only drink water...which I've been very good about lately. Oooon the dark side however...we had DQ after dinner. Oh how I do love Reese's Cup blizzards with extra Reese's. They are my weakness and they are ooooooh so yummy!

I have a session with Brooke today, and will more than likely go early to practice Zumba routines. I skipped breakfast because...well...I don't have any good for me breakfast foods in the house...lol. I have some turkey sausages and steamable veggies in the lunch room, so they will carry me through the day.

I'm honestly terrified of the weigh in / photo tomorrow. I just know there will be a gain, and it's already pissing me off. grrr.

Officially Zumba-fied!

2011-06-06T09:17:00.000-07:00

It's Official! I am now a qualified trained Zumba Instructor! Yesterday's class was amazing. I had a great time, learned a lot and met some wonderful new people. I'm ready to learn some new things and get to teaching! Hopefully soon I'll be able to actually fit into the Zumba pants comfortably.

On to the dieting...ugh...all I want right now is fast food. I'm desperately trying to figure out what to get for lunch that won't be totally detrimental to my efforts. struggling...

I think I'll stick with the picture thing. I'll post a new one every Wed when I weigh in. Maybe that will inspire me.

...along with fitting into those pants...

**UPDATE** I went with a 6" turkey and cheese sub from Buehlers (only ate 1/2 of it), and some cheese cubes with grapes and apple slices. All of which were only ok...not yummy by a long shot. But at least I didn't go overboard, which makes the afternoon a win!

hmmm...Perhaps next week...

2011-06-03T10:20:00.000-07:00

As I sit here eating my McDonalds french fries and drinking my large Coke, I can' t help but think... Next week I'll get on track. After all, I'll be officially Zumba certified and will need to get ready to teach. What logic does that employ at all? None, absolutely none. Why not just get started today? Well because then I wouldn't be able to have my last hurrah weekend. I am celebrating our 4 year anniversary, even though there's not really a whole lot to celebrate. I am the official queen justification and rationalization. I can give you a million reasons why I should start my journey next week, not today. But the truth is, I'm simply being a coward, and giving in to my cravings. And I quite enjoy it.

So I'll make my plan for next week, how I'm gonna wrangle in my eating and crack down on my workouts. ...Right after I'm done eating these chocolate chip cookies.

doldrums...sigh

2011-06-02T15:11:00.000-07:00

so here I am...alllll of me. I'm running out of ideas to keep me on track, so maybe posting photos will do the trick. Fell off the wagon and gained 10 pounds back. Not good. But my Zumba certification is this Sunday, and I already have a teaching gig at my gym. No body wants a fat teacher, so maybe that'll be a lil extra motivation as well. I'm in no mood to talk about Kelly, so I'll save that update for another day. I'm a little bummed, so I'll leave it at that, and update on all other things 'me' very soon.

Sweet sweet Vitamin D!

2011-04-13T09:48:00.000-07:00

I have learned over the years that I respond drastically (by way of super elevated mood) to Vitamin D. Especially Sunshine vitamin D. Today is bright sunny day, and I can feel it all over me. I just want to go sit and bask in the shiny brightness and absorb the good vibes. Unfortunately, I'm stuck at my desk. Last night went well, aside from the Sour Patch Kids that were left in the car after the movie that called to me and threw themselves down my throat. Onery little things. Had a Healthy Choice thing for dinner, and ate a sugar free cookie bar while chilling with Kel. Although it said right on the package - not a diet food. Funny.

Tonight's Workout: Had a session with Brooke today, since she's competing in the Buckeye Classic Fitness competition and will be out of town Friday. I'll do a workout with Linda tonight, then my tap class.

Tonight's Dinner: Another Healthy Choice dinner...I'm actually craving it. Yikes.

KO KO

2011-04-12T12:55:00.000-07:00

Movie night was lovely, and we all had a great time. Kel ordered pizza and waited to eat his until I got home from Zumba...how sweet! I budgeted calories all day for it, and it paid off. I lost 1 of the 2 I gained. Success! The words "it's starting to feel like home again" were spoken last night, and my knees about buckled under me. That is a HUGE step in the right direction! He's coming home tonight after golf to stay over...which also makes me very, very happy. I'm being cautiously optimistic...

Tonight's Workout: I went to the gym today and did an hour of Zumba practice...totally worked up a sweat and got the heart pumping. Tonight I think I'll skip the DVD and do my own strength routine with Linda. I'm sure she'll love that...lol

Tonight's Dinner: Since Kelly is coming over, I'm not sure. There's chicken in the fridge, veggies in the freezer and shake n bake in the cupboard (can't say that without thinking Talladega Nights anymore...shake n bake baby!)

Experiment done, back to the grind.

2011-04-11T06:45:00.000-07:00

So I experimented this weekend with a dangerous idea, and I now know never to do it again. I was alone, no kids and no Kelly, and that always spells disaster for my eating. So I ate a bowl of cereal for breakfast and had McDonalds for dinner on both days. Nothing else, but maybe a piece of cheese. With that being all that I ate...I gained 2 pounds. Results of this experiment? McDonalds is Evil and I should not indulge even if it is the only calories I eat for the day. Oh, my choice? Double cheeseburger meal large with a Coke. I got that out of my system so now I can get back on track and lose the 2 pounds I gained.

I did get 2 more pages in my wish / bucket book scrapbook done. Should've worked on it more to avoid the food trap. I need to print off pictures so I can 'completely' finish #'s 1 and 2 which are #1 Take a trip to Las Vegas and #2 Dip my toes in the ocean. Checkaroo - both done. So now I can print the pics and journal the pages and feel a sense of accomplishment. I'm ready to do page (all are double page layouts) 20 and sometime soon I'll post the first 20 things on my list. Some are very mundane, as I've led a fairly sheltered and boring life. I'm trying to think outside the box and put things on my list that are way outside my comfort zone. There's a couple on there, but not nearly enough.

Tonight's Workout: I have my Monday session with Brooke (who I need to get a photo of and post her on here as she's become a very important part of my weight loss effort) and then Zumba tonight...Yay!!

Tonight's Dinner: Hmm...Kelly is coming over and invited us all to go see a Movie for a family night. Surprising to say the least, but it made me uber happy! So I'm not sure about dinner, but I'm planning on keeping on track...those 2 pounds gotta go!

Goal #1 within reach

2011-04-07T06:30:00.000-07:00

So my first goal was to get to my wedding weight of 197...as you can see up there...I am a half a pound away. Very exciting! I bit the bullet and registered for the Zumba certification class being held June 5th in Sandusky. Oddly enough, I already have teaching opportunities lined up, which is fan-freaking-tastic! If the scale continues to be my friend, I'll be in teaching shape by the time the class comes. The situation with Kel has me dealing with some pent up anger at the moment. I have not taken it out on my kids, or anyone for that matter thank goodness, but have not been able to vent it out either. That's just a bad situation waiting to happen.

Tonights Workout: Hopefully Zumba practice...doing my own routines and getting them fully committed to memory.

Tonight's Dinner: I'm guessing a frozen Healthy Choice of some sort. There's 2 in there, I just can't remember what they are...chicken and meatloaf I think.

Phooey

2011-03-30T08:13:00.000-07:00

It's that dreaded week of the month when my emotional guard gets a little weak, and my willpower tends to falter. This months vice for the week... Potato chips and dip. Wha...??? I never eat that, never even crave that. And even after Hailey (sweet child) warned me not to do it, I still put them in the cart at the grocery store. I should really start listening to her. My normal loss turned into a 'stayed the same' and I know exactly why. I shall banish them from the house tonight (the remaining chips and dip, not the kids) and pull myself back together. I got a taste of being under 200, as fleeting as it was, and I want it back. I know what to do, I just have to suck it up and actually do it.

I did do a boot camp DVD with Linda last night, and the calories weren't that bad. So the day was still decent...just not a losing day.

Tonight's Dinner: Healthy Choice Roasted Chicken and Herb Potato frozen dinner. Sounded really good up until that last part, didn't it?

Tonight's Workout: I have time tonight, so we'll do the entire Kendall DVD. My upper body is still sore from the pushups and shoulder work Brooke had me do, but I think it's much more managable today.

choices and consequences

2011-03-28T13:28:00.000-07:00

Yep, I made bad choices this weekend and I am paying for it on the scale. McDonalds one day and Taco Bell the next. But, I made the choice and I will have to deal with it now. Had a session with Brooke today and worked it. And I have Zumba tonight...so hopefully the fast food weight will be gone. I'm emotionally stressing as usual, and am trying to cope without food. Which is not easy for me as food has always been a security blanket. I just wish a certain someone would figure things out and get back here. Unfortunately that is not in my control. My eating and exercise are, so I need to take the reigns and make good things happen. I don't like having this emotional baggage coming from all angles. Comfort points have now become stressful, and my outlets are becoming smaller in number. Alas food is not the answer...no matter what the question might be. As long as I can keep hold of that thought, things will be ok.

Tonight's Workout: PT w/ Brooke today and Zumba tonight. Finally.

Tonight's Dinner: I've no clue. Groceries need to bought, so I'll get something healthy...promise.

Ahhhh.....New Numbers!!!!!

2011-03-24T07:21:00.000-07:00

Do you see that??? Do you SEE that up there?!?! I'm in new numbers! I'm under 200 for the first time in 4 years! I'm so happy I could almost cry! Now if that's not motivation to keep going, I don't know what is. And to boot, I think I'm having lunch with Kel today! No problem, because I have a favorite dish at Applebees that's on their under 550 menu. I get it every time we go and drink lots of water. It's still more than I usually do for lunch, but I adjust through the day and the calorie count stays where it should. I got a compliment from a male co-worker today and that was just the icing on the cake!

Tonight's Dinner: hmmm...hoping that Kel comes over like he said. If so, I'm not sure what will be on the menu. Perhaps chicken with steamed veggies. All I know is that I won't go off course just because he's here. He said he was proud of me, so I know he won't try to sabotage me.

Tonight's Workout: again...hmmm...usually Linda and I work out, but if Kelly is over, I'll want to spend time with him. However, him being here opens up a whole new realm of excercise opportunities!

Hiatus over!

2011-03-23T13:12:00.000-07:00

With all my emotions being a total train wreck over the last month, I've forgotten about my lil' bloggy blog here. Well I'm back now, and hopefully this will help keep my emotions in check. (fingers crossed). Things with Kel are still crazy, and I see no end in sight...so I just keep on keepin' on. Vegas was great however! We actually acted and felt like a normal married couple. But you know what they say...what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, and sadly that seems to be holding true.

On the weight front however, things are looking up! As my little ticker up there says I've hit the 20 pound mark...hooray! I don't feel any smaller though, which tells me that I was very heavy at my heaviest. I must have also been pushing the seams on my clothes to their limits, because I can't yet get into a smaller size. So my clothes are thankful that they are not under so much pressure. My first goal has always been to get under 200 again...I've revised that to get back to my wedding weight. That would be 197 and is only a difference of 2 pounds in the goal, so no big. I'm so close I can just feel it...I'm hoping to be there in 2 weeks max.

I've been doing very well eating...with the exception of the evil incarnate that are known as Girl Scout Cookies. They are gone however, and things are back to normal. I've set a goal of eating earlier at night...I think eating at 8 or 9 o'clock is not helping my cause at all. So I'm revising my schedule to allow me to eat earlier, and then I brush my teeth before I sit down to watch my shows so I'm not tempted to snack. THAT is working marvelously...I haven't even eaten popcorn with Alyson, which she seems to make EVERY night.

My trainer, Brooke, is fantastic! I adore her, and she knows how to push me just the right way. It's expensive as hell, but I'll cut back other places to keep her. It's well worth it.

Tonight's Workout: I did 30 minutes of Zumba practice at the gym (yes I'm still planning on getting certified and the gym I go to is hoping to add Zumba and I'm at the top of their list!) I'll do some strength DVD with Linda and then I have my tap class tonight as well.

Tonight's Dinner: Since Wednesdays are so crazy, there's a Healthy choice Dinner waiting for me tonight, with a V8 Fusion to wash it down.

**on a side note, I've found out that there are lots of you that read my blog that aren't technically 'followers'. I did not know this and think it's cool that you guys keep tabs on me! Thanks! Remember....becoming a follower means you can comment, and I love love love comments! Not to mention it's totally easy!

Now We're Rollin'!

2011-02-17T11:08:00.000-08:00

So I overcame my fear and joined the gym yesterday! Instead of doing treadmill work, I went into the smaller studio and practiced my Zumba routines for 45 minutes or so. Fabulous! Taking today off as it's a scheduled off day. BUT...I did get a complimentary training session with my membership, so I have a session with Brenton tomorrow at noon. I'm a bit scared, but ya know what? If I like him and it goes well, I might fork out the money to work with him every Friday. It could be the accountability that I need. I did get all 3 workouts in yesterday and had my planned dinner...I also had a cupcake and 3 slices of salami. But that was ok since I got in so many workouts. I believe I'll be joining WW and starting meetings this Saturday at 7:30am. Tab already signed up, so I'll have a buddy there. Maybe total structure is what I need...?

Tonights Workout: Today will be a true off day, as I have plans this evening. But laughing burns calories, and I will be doing quite a bit of that!

Tonights Dinner: Kel and I are going to dinner before the show at Hilarities. I'll be conscious of my choices however, and stay in check. Fingers Crossed!!!

Great...Sniffles

2011-02-16T08:13:00.000-08:00

This is NOT what I need. I feel a cold coming on. I don't like being sick...at all. And it certainly won't help my excercising cause at all. I woke up this morning with resolve to go join that gym today. I even brought my runners and a tshirt. And now I'm feeling like chickening out. bah. It's the thought of walking in alone and not knowing what to expect and the fear of looking like an idiot. My usual vices. I want to wait until 2:00ish so as to avoid the lunch crowd. Hopefully it will work. I'm going to try to find a phone number to call, so at least I'm not walking in totally blind. *fingers crossed*

bad eating last night...more salami and a bowl of cereal. What the hell is that all about? I did do the entire Kendall workout with Lindy Lou, and I did feel much better. Had no word from Kel yesterday...I'm glad I was only cautiously optimistic. I swear, he gives then he takes away. It'll be interesting to see how Piper and Gretchen treat him in Toledo. They don't seem to be as forgiving or understanding as the peeps...lol.

Tonight's Workout: Hopefully the treadmill at work, a quickie 20 minute toner routine with Lindy Lou, and then my tap class. Busy night!

Tonight's Dinner: Definitely the salmon and asparagus. I'll throw in some Peaches for the hell of it too.

All is NOT lost!

2011-02-15T06:46:00.000-08:00

I had a lovely long lunch with Kel yesterday. He brought me roses and a card, with a hand written note in the card that again renewed my faith in our relationship. However, I will remain cautiously optimistic at best, as this has bitten me in the butt too many times before. He's now trying to work his schedule so he can drive to Toledo with us for Alyson's very first dance competition. This is very exciting news to me...and Alyson was psyched about it also! That would mean she will have all 4 parental units supporting her, as Dallas and Heather are also going up for the weekend. Dallas will take them home and keep them until Kel and I get back from his sister's wedding. This also means that Kel and I can leave as early as we want on that Sunday, because Alyson's competition pieces will be done, and Dallas will be there already. We can catch an earlier flight, and it gives us more options. This is all very very good news!

My weight is holding steady, which means there's no gain...so I'll be satisfied with that for now. Last night ended with some salami slices for dinner and Apple Jacks as a late snack. Very bad. But Zumba was awesome as usual!

Tonights Workout: Um...I dunno yet. Maybe work the entire Kendall DVD. I've totally slacked on the treadmill. I just can't get the 'oomph' to get on it. Thinking of getting a small membership (24 bucks a month) at the local gym, and join Tab for a lunchtime treadmill jaunt. Again with the buddy thing, and it wouldn't interfere with my home schedule at all. This could work.

Tonight's Dinner: Um...I dunno that either. Nothing is really sounding yummy right now. Maybe Salmon and asparagus, since I went to the store last night!

If you held on to my head, my body would keep spinning!

2011-02-14T10:25:00.000-08:00

I feel like I'm going in about a ka-jillion different directions. I am emotionally and mentally exhausted. Blah. However, my ex husband has done some kind of turn around and is becoming quite the dad. He's making more of an effort to help me out, and to be with the girls than ever before. Now I worry that his house will become the stable household...yikes! I just found out that my insurance will re-imburse for weight watchers. I lost a butt load of weight on that before, and now I have a co-worker who wants to join me. Buddies always make things easier. So I think I'll try that train again. I'm still very gung ho about getting my Zumba certification. I've lost a couple more since the last post, and updated my ticker up there, so hope is not completely lost. I still haven't given up on Kelly, and I don't think he's given up yet either, he's just scared to try. Which is totally exasperating!

Tonight's Workout: It's Monday, which means ZUMBA!!! I really wish I could do it more than once a week!

Tonight's Dinner: I was actually thinking about Turkey Taco Salad...we'll see how that pans out.

Now this, this is just ridiculous

2011-01-31T08:02:00.000-08:00

Ugh. The scale is no longer my friend. I thought maybe it wasn't going down because I was eating too few calories. So I bumped them up closer to my daily reccomended amount to kind of 'jump start' my metabolism. Well that didn't work out too well, as I gained a pound and a half. Now frustration is setting in. My doctor called with more lab results, and my estranged hubby gave me a gift...an incurable one. Now I feel like I'm not fit for anyone to be with, and therefore start wondering why I should bother trying to lose weight and look good, if no one is going to want to be with me no matter how good I look. But, I shall push those thoughts aside, and focus on the fact that I'm working on finishing those pages in my Wish Scrapbook. #6 Run and Finish a 10K and #14 Lose 70 pounds. Working on my wish book has given me comfort in the last couple tumultuous weeks of my life. Weeks? More like Months. But either way, I shall persevere and prove to myself that I can do whatever my heart and soul truely wishes.

Tonight's Workout: Zumba...thankfully. I need a pick me up! Back to the treadmill, as I think my blisters have sufficiently healed enough to get back to the training. (fingers crossed)

Tonight's Dinner: Not sure, it's grocery night. I'm kinda liking this Salmon and Asparagus combo I got going. But there is the whole "too much of a good thing" so I'll limit this yumminess to 2 nights a week max.

Hello Weekend!

2011-01-28T07:48:00.000-08:00

The scale told me this morning that I was back down to my stagnant weight that I've been at for 2 weeks. Better than the gain, but I feel like I've worked hard enough this week for more of a loss. Must not lose steam...

Had Kielbasa and steamed corn last night. Had more corn than I should have, but it was so yummy! Ate a little bit earlier but not before my goal of 7:00. The cereal was nixed, which gave me a sense of acheivement. My blisters made it extremely hard to do my treadmill routine, but I persevered. I couldn't wear my tennies, so I wore the most comfy shoes I could find. The blisters were so painful that it threw my cadence outta whack, and now I have 2 more blisters in different places. These aren't nearly as bad. Today is a rest day for the treadmill, so hopefully my blisters will recover enough to make tomorrow bearable. (fingers crossed!)

Tonight's Workout: Step Tonic DVD. Very excited to try this one. I'm a step fan and used to teach at the local gym. This one is touted to be more 'dancy', so it should be right up my alley.

Tonight's Dinner: It's Friday night Peep dinner, and Annie is making Ham and some sides. I don't want to load up on all that salt and inevitably high cal sides, so I'll take my own dinner. Salmon fillet, asparagus and some new potatos sprinkled with parm cheese. Hopefully no one will be offended that I bring my own food.

I'm sorry, that can't be right...

2011-01-27T07:32:00.000-08:00

Stepping on the scale this morning showed that I gained a pound. That's incredibly frustrating, as I have been doing very well this week! I'm going to have to chalk it up to the cereal I've been eating at night. I'm under on calories, and hungry so I eat a bowl of cereal. It's usually late though, around 9:00. And I don't get dinner in until close to 8:00. I know all the rules, and eating late is a no-no. So I'll have to adjust my schedule so eating occurs earlier in the evening. I need to cut out the cereal stuff too. I need some healthier snack options, so I can still have a snack later, but not the high calories and sugar that go with it. This weight loss thing is all about adjustments to find the right fit, so let the adjustments begin!

I did get all 3 workouts in yesterday, although tap was not as 'cardio' as usual due to the blisters on my heels making some steps excruciating. I have blister band-aids on the list of things to get today, and Alyson has assured me that she will NOT let me skip my treadmill routine. It's posted on the fridge, and each time I complete the days routine, it gets a star sticker. The girls know my plan, and they will make sure it happens! Yesterdays short video was a Kathy Smith upper body and abs...only 25 minutes as that's all the time I had, but it was good none the less.

Today's Workout: short intervals start on the 30m treadmill routine, and Linda is coming for a video workout, but I'm not sure what we'll do yet...

Tonight's Dinner: Since I'll be home early anyway, I'll take out chicken to marinate, and have some steamed Cali veggies. I'll have a goal to be done with dinner by 7:00, and maybe snack on some plain popcorn.

Feeling energized!

2011-01-26T09:29:00.000-08:00

Wow...The slim sculpt DVD was intense...but I loved it! And I managed to get in my 30 minutes on the treadmill to boot! I stuck to my Healthy Choice dinner, but had a bowl Mini Wheats when I got home since i was starving. I was still way way under on my calories for the day, so munched on some cheese.

I made a printout of my training schedule for totally beginner runners, and actually got out of bed early enough to get my scheduled 30 minute walk this morning. Tomorrow starts slowly integrating running in short spurts. The blisters on my achilles are telling me that a new pair of shoes may soon be in my future! **bonus - Kelly said he may start training with me to run the 10K in July! This is very good news!

Today I'm making a list as I listen to my Ipod of songs that are the right tempo for my treadmill walks. I'll print it out and make playlists when I get home so I have a steady workout rhythm...totally a must for me.

Today's Workout: 30 min on treadmill, 55 minute tap class (yay!) and a 40 minute workout with Lindy Lou before I take my oldest to the dance studio.

Tonight's Dinner: Healthy Choice Beef Tips Dinner. Boring yes, but totally easy, and Wednesdays are very Chaotic at our house!

Fighting the emotional fight!

2011-01-25T07:53:00.000-08:00

blech. That about sums it up. I did ok last night. I had salmon and asparagus instead of the chicken, but also had what was left of the apple pizza thingy from the weekend. I should have just thrown it away, but noooo...I had to eat it. grr. The plan was to get up and hit the tread this morning at 6:15. Soooo didn't happen. I'm not much of a morning go getter to begin with. I was hoping that having a goal would force me out of bed. Not so much. So now I'm hoping to get the 30 minutes in this evening, as well as a workout with Lindy Lou. The emotional roller coaster I'm on with Kelly isn't helping matters at all. I just want to sit and do nothing and sulk. That will get me nowhere but fatter fast. I've been working on my 'bucket book' scrapbook, and have gotten up to #15 finished. Maybe I'll post some of those pages on here for the heck of it.

Tonights Workout: 30 minutes on the treadmill and Slim Sculpt DVD
Tonights Dinner: Healthy Choice Chicken tenders dinner (excitement...ugh)

Weekend: Survived

2011-01-24T07:44:00.000-08:00

I ate this weekend...and enjoyed it. I stayed away from soda, and stuck to only water, which is a total win in my book! The scale rewarded me by not changing at all. After Steak on a Stone, Friday's, and Pizza with breadsticks...I'll take the steady reading on the scale versus a gain.

I brought my 'Shake Weight' to work to leave in the bathroom. This is in hopes that every bathroom break will be accompanied by 2 minutes of shaking the weight. Every little bit helps, and with all the water I'm drinking, the bathroom trips are frequent.

I've also decided to start training to run the 10K at the Twin Sizzler this July 4th, or the 5K at the very least. I have the treadmill at home, so I may as well use it. I'm hoping that if I have a goal, and a plan (which I printed out already) the thought of the treadmill won't be so daunting. I need to figure out how to get a TV to the basement so I can watch while I walk/run. Until then, the Ipod will have to do.

Today's Workout: Zumba!
Today's Dinner: Grilled Chicken with Steamed Cali blend veggies

Day 2's always easy...

2011-01-18T09:21:00.000-08:00

Rocked the Zumba last night, but between the girls homework and grocery shopping I didn't fit the Ab DVD in. I was way under my calorie budget and the scale showed it with a 2lb loss. I'm assuming that will creep on rather quickly once I eat my normal calorie range. The sadness and pain of my marriage woes is making me want to do nothing but eat and sleep, and the urge is incredibly strong. But my kids are my saving grace, because they won't allow that to happen...they depend on me to get them to their scheduled 'happenings'...lol. I have mixed feelings about the peep dinner Friday. One, because I don't wanna trash my eating and two because I know I won't be good company and I'll just be missing Kelly even more. I really need to get my 'Memento Vivere' tatoo so I can 'remember that I have to live' because it's not easy right now.

Today's Workout: Kettlebell Drills DVD (also a first time for this one. My tuesday schedule is crazy hectic and Kel said the last time I talked to him on Saturday, that he'd be over to talk tonight. but since I haven't heard from him since, I'm really not sure. So we'll see if I can fit this in)

Today's Dinner: I'm hoping for baked Salmon and asparagus, but again, the Kelly thing may intervene.

Hold that Wagon, Please!

2011-01-17T12:06:00.000-08:00

Yes I know, it's been said a thousand times over, but I'm trying to lose the weight again. I'm actually down 11 pounds from my peak weight (which I shall not divulge until I'm quite a bit below it). My gut tells me I may be single in the future, so I better get on the ball and make myself desirable. As if my charming and witty personality isn't enough to lure a keeper. I have this odd tendancy to marry men who decide down the road that they just don't know if they want to be married any more. He says he still loves me, a lot actually, but blah blah blah. This isn't about that. It's about my journey to weight loss and self discovery. I've got friends who I know I can count on, but they can't lose it for me. It's a Monday, so we'll start fresh today. I have an nifty app on my ipod to help me along the way, and the rest of the tools are in my brain and on my body. sooo...

Today's workout: Zumba! which I love and only wish Sara taught more classes during the week.
: Ten minute ab workout on a new DVD. Haven't done this one yet, so we'll see.

Today's dinner: uh...not sure, haven't been to the store yet this week.
*only posting dinners since it's the only time of day that I get out of control. eek!

Here's to ME!

Different friends for different reasons

2010-09-02T07:50:00.000-07:00

*I'd like to thank a friend for getting my mind thinking on this subject...you know who you are :)

I get so much from my friends, and I can't imagine being without any of them. I'd like to think that my friends think the same. The way I look at it, how boring would life be if you got the exact same things from each one of your friends? That would be like having friends with all the same personality. You would get incredibly sick of spending all your time with the exact same characteristics.

I've never really considered myself an 'out there' kind of person. I'm slow to make new friends, but fiercely loyal once the friendship is made. I have one friend who is exactly the opposite. She can make friends anywhere with any kind of person. It was that bubbly outgoing nature that drew me to her. I wanted to be like that, and being with her makes me feel that way. I have another friend who is one of the funniest people I've met. She's adorable and most of the time the life of the party. Again, I love that quality and feel I don't really possess it. But being with her automatically makes me feel lively and humorous. Another friend brings out the sarcastic, witty side of me; while another makes me feel saucy and sexy.

The conversations had when I'm with each one of my friends are vastly different. I can talk about dance with some friends who are in that world with me, but I wouldn't bore other friends with that same talk. The same goes with all aspects of my life. Conversations with my more 'intellectual' friends are on a whole other level than the ones with my goofy friends. And that's how I like it. That's how it has to be in my opinion. That's what makes my life rich and fulfilling.

That being said, I love being with my friends. But sometimes the thing you 'need' from one friend can't be obtained while another friend is there. Sometimes you need to vent about something, or talk about something or even do something that can't be properly done in mixed company. I don't try to separate my friends, far from it. But I also won't talk about studio gossip with my neighborhood peeps, and I don't talk about my neice's drama to my Purple Posse mom's. I don't expect to, nor do I want to be included in every aspect of every one of my friends lives. Just like I wouldn't expect my friends to want to be involved in every inch of my life. Do we hang out in groups? You bet we do! Do my miscellaneous groups hang out together? Not ever! Do I sometimes want to hang with a single person from one of those groups? Quite often! I don't expect any of the other friends from that circle to be upset by that. I know I don't get upset when they get together without me...that just seems silly.

I guess what I'm saying is that my friends make up the quilt of my life. Each piece is different and has it's own place. Some pieces fit together for an awesome pattern, but the individual pieces are great on their own as well. But as a whole, they keep me warm and comfy no matter what.

I used to do this for fun?!?

2010-07-18T07:43:00.000-07:00

I'm totally getting the hang of my new found zest for exercise. I can't say it's 'new' found, just found, as I used to love exercise as much Gilad, Jake and Tony Little. Anyway, I was trying to get around to doing the rockin' workout Johnny had planned for me, and my hubby (who just finished working a grave yard shift, and then came home and mowed the lawn) asked me if I wanted to go for a bike ride. I had to make sure I heard him right, because I'm pretty sure I've never heard these words pass his lips before.

I regain my focus and spit out "Uh, sure why not? What bike are you gonna ride?"
Kel responds "I'll ride the blue one out there that Alyson rides. I'll raise the seat and it'll be fine."
"Or we can run to Target and pick up tennis rackets and balls and head to the tennis court in Brunswick."
Ok wait...did he just say 'get tennis rackets'? If bike riding surprised me, tennis just shocked me. We discuss for a moment and decide that a bike ride was a more immediate plan. My fear with tennis is that we'd get to Target and A) realize rackets were too expensive and ditch the whole thing for a trip to Dairy Queen, or B) get the rackets and decide we didn't really feel like driving all the way to Brunswick and drive to Dairy Queen instead.

So we get ready, fill my water bottle and prepare to mount our 2 wheeled steeds. I look down and notice that Kel has on his black sandals.
"Uh are you wearing those to go for a bike ride?"
"Yup, I don't have any runners so these will have to work." is the response I get. I make a note that we have to get the man some real athletic shoes if this workout thing is ever gonna take off for him.
Off we go. There's a bike trail about a half mile from our house, so we decide to head there. I'm not sure how long it is, since I've never actually walked the entire thing. (It's a touch over 3 miles one way, fyi).
Believe it or not, the ride out was great. Well, that is, after Kel figured out why my bike wouldn't find a damn gear and kept skipping making it virtually impossible to pedal. My legs are feeling great, I have a little bit of a sweat going and my heart is pumping. Kel is riding right next to me and we're having conversations about stupid drivers, days at work and other off the wall topics. (And no, his daughter coming here was NOT brought up.)
We get to the end of the trail and kinda sit and figure out what we wanna do next.
"You wanna ride to your brothers house?"
I sit and try to absorb these words. He surely can not know exactly where we are. My brothers house is a 15-20 minute DRIVE from our house.
"Uh no, that's still pretty far from here." was all I could say without outright laughing.
"Ok, well you wanna ride this way and see what we can find? Maybe we'll take roads back instead of the trail."
"Sure, I'll get my bearings and see exactly where we are." I have to do this, because he has no clue.
We ride about another half mile and I can tell exactly where I am. I try to explain this to him with no avail. He's not too good with pinpointing his own location...ever.

I finally convince him to backtrack (after riding in circles for a bit) and take the trail home. We now have 90 minutes to get back home shower and be ready to meet my brother and sister in law for dinner. So we head back the direction we came, and I see a steady hill coming up. I really don't like hills. So I get a head of steam going down a little slope and get ready to grind up the incline. I'm focused and pedaling so hard that I have no idea how far back Kelly is. All I know is that if I stop I'll never get up this damn hill. I huff and push and get back to the end (or beginning depending on how you look at it) of the bike path. I'm wheezing and grabbing for my water. About 15 seconds later Kelly rolls up behind me and takes a slug of the water as well. It's at this point that I realize why the ride out seemed to great. As I'm looking down the trail, I can see that the whole thing now looks like it's on an ever so slight uphill grade. Meaning we were pretty much riding on a slight downhill grade the entire way out. Oh. No. All of the sudden I'm not looking forward to the ride back home.

I hop on and we take off. My legs are already screaming at me, my ass is killing me thanks to the torture device that I'm sitting on. I have sweat dripping in my eyes and it almost feels like I'm crying because it's starting to run out the bottom. I really don't wanna stop to wipe it off cause then I'd have to start again. And that seems counter productive.
'What I'd give for a Jane Fonda terrycloth headband right now' is all I kept thinking.

There was no conversation on the way home. I was focusing too hard on breathing. If I would have tried to speak, I'm sure I would've wiped out and just laid there on the trail waiting for the birds to peck my eyes out. Kel and I trade on and off leading. I just kept counting in my head so my legs kept pumping at a steady pace. I finally see the end of the trail. Thank goodness. But that's not really a good thing. The end of the trail means we still have the 1/2 to 3/4 mile ride back to the house. I pull out of the trail (which Kel has already pulled out a good minute before me) and sense a problem. I can see the substantial hill before me, and block out all pain so I can get another head of steam going to tackle it. Only my bike doesn't seem to be coasting down the small hill like it should be. I stop pedalling and notice that my bike is actually slowing down on the downhill grade. This can not be good. I try to pedal to speed up, I try to push my brake handles out in case they were slowing me down. Nothing. Kel is already more than half way up the hill. I say 'screw it' and hop off my bike to push it up the hill like a little kid. Hmm...my legs can only take tiny steps since they are so used to pedalling. This is now comical.
I yell at Kelly "Bring the car back and get me!"
Obviously he does not hear my pathetic call for help. He's stopped at the top of the hill and is leaning on the guardrail waiting for me. When I get just about to him, he hops on and rides a bit farther.
"Get back on your bike, it's downhill there!"
I'm so frustrated that I didn't even notice I had conquered the hill. I jump back on the bike and the problem that was there before has seemed to disappear...of course.
I see our road and get a burst of energy. I cross the street and get back into my rhythm. Of course the road leading to ours is a steady slight incline. But I know the finish is in sight so I'm not stopping. My cadence is sharp and steady. I pass Kelly and know that I must look like my neighbors dog when he gets loose and is running to my house for a piece of bologna. I WILL get there, and I will get there soon! Please let it be soon, please oh please let it be soon.

I finally round the turn and feel the breeze in my face as coast down the wonderful hill on my street. I don't know where Kel is and I don't care because I can SEE my house. I just want to get there and guzzle a gallon of water. My legs are rebelling, my hands are cramping from holding on to the handle bars and my ass, well lost feeling in that about 20 minutes ago. I brake as I go into my drive and aim between the two cars. I must be all jelly cause I try to stop and can't keep my balance. I lean over and catch myself on my car. I can't help but laugh...that's some funny shit. I can't steer my bike between two cars. Kelly better not say a damn word about it either.

I get in the garage and dismount. I'm on the wrong side of my bike, so I ask Kel to put my kickstand down. I make it into the house and find a bottle of water on the table. I downed half of it before Kel even walks in the door. I collapse on the floor knowing that I now have 40 minutes to get ready for dinner. I look over, and Kel is sitting on the floor in front of the couch with his head leaned back...asleep already. I convince myself to stretch to avoid more pain later, and head up to the shower.

I'd say I earned the little pieces of Tigerlily, and Chocolate peanut butter Torte I had after dinner.

I still weighed in at -6 pounds for the week. So there.

uh, this can't be right and someone is playing a joke on me

2010-07-15T08:43:00.000-07:00

First I'll start by saying that since I started training with Johnny I have dropped 4 pounds. Rock and Rolla! But since I'm an emotional eater, yesterdays events may put my weight loss in severe danger.
Revert back to my ranting post about Kelly's slimey one-nighter-turned-into-a-lifetime-of-regret baby momma. Then you shall understand how this news hit me like a two ton truck hauling a full load of bricks at 90 miles per hour.

The Child Is Coming To Live With Us.

Yes you read correctly. Apparently said psycho mother has gotten herself mixed up in some serious shit. She and her boy thing have pissed off some bad people and they are currently in some 'trouble'. (I swear this whole thing sounds like it's straight out of a script of a new Law & Order episode) I'm pretty sure the news of this put a look of disbelief combined with shock and I'm guessing perhaps a slight smile because I was waiting for someone to jump out yelling that I'm being Punk'd. (Not Ashton of course, because of my 'non-celebrity' status and all) I'm still not sure the news has completely sunk in yet. Perhaps I'm in denial. No, I know that I'm in denial. I can't really argue this pending arrangement, as it's a matter of her safety. That doesn't mean I have to like it, because I don't. Not at all actually. If that makes me a bad person so be it. I've always said I'm not good with other peoples kids. I tend to be the mean one if I have to spend more than 48 consecutive hours with a child other than my own. And this is a 13 year old girl who's about to hit puberty and begin her emotional roller coaster. She's never really dealt with a lot of rules, being the child of an essentially absentee parent. Oh this is not going to go well at all.

And what hurt the most? The fact that Kel started this whole thing in motion and never once discussed it with me. He's contacted a lawyer, has his sisters in Canada checking into legalities and asked his Dad and stepmom to let her stay with them until we can get her down here. It's almost like telling me (note: I did not say discussing because there was no discussion. I was TOLD she was coming.) was a side note to him. And that does not sit well with me. I have no idea how I'm even going to break the news to my kids. They don't like her to begin with. Ugh.

Needless to say I'm beginning to get a bruise on my arm from pinching myself incessantly. I just keep thinking that one of these times I'm going to wake up from a dream...a twisted, dark, not funny at all dream. Then I can make sure I never eat whatever it was I ate to make my dream so unpleasant to begin with.

Vacation's over, weight loss begins!

2010-07-13T07:21:00.000-07:00

Oh vacation how I miss thee already! We spent a wonderful, relaxing, full of nothingness week on Hilton Head Island with my Brother and his family. Kel did not join us, as he couldn't get out of work. So the girls and I had a blast even though I missed him terribly. My poor brother was stuck in the condo with 6 women aged 44, 34, 19, 15, 11 and 9. And yet he still seemed to have a great time. He should write a book about coping skills...lol. We spent days on the beach and evening at home cooking meals. We didn't go out to eat, so we had none of that 'omigosh my tummy feels like it's going to explode from eating so much fried food' syndrome. It was awesome. And because of this...I managed to only gain 2 pounds on vacation. I'll totally take that!
Being on this trip has had an added bonus. It's renewed my gusto to lose weight. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I felt like a beached whale on the sand with a bunch of skinny mini's. Mmm...not a good feeling at all. BUT...like I said, I'm now ready to get down to business. I'll be damned if I let those skinny bitches make me feel self conscious next year! I had a going away party for my fat when I got back home, so I'm ready to send it on it's way.
Enter Johnny, my new online trainer. I LOVE this guy! I had messages waiting for me when I got back from vacay. He wanted to let me know that he was getting my plan ready, even though I wasn't back yet. And 2 other messages of encouragement. Yay! someone who 'gets' me! He's a good lookin (ie: hot) muscle-y guy who I'd hate to disappoint...so it's perfect. I've made a goal of being minimally 40 pounds lighter when we head to the beach next year. With his help I think, scratch that, I KNOW I can do it!
His meal plans are right up my alley (aside from the fact that there's no binging on cakes and pastry) and his workouts are gritty and athletic. I used to be a step and strength instructor and taught classes 3 nights a week...so I know I can do it...I just need the right workout.
So here's to the new improved and totally delicious me (well soon anyway)!!

Pity Party

2010-06-30T06:05:00.000-07:00

First, let me preface this whole thing by saying that no, I'm not on suicide watch. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed, and my 'condition' takes over and it's a snowball effect. So just venting and getting it all outta my system sometimes helps.

Things are just goofy lately. I can't seem to get a grasp on anything at all. My house, my kids, my weight, my marriage. It all seems like a giant clusterfuck right now. I'm so messed up that I'm having a hard time even looking forward to my vacation. I'm a wreck in crowds...and it's gonna be crowded. A holiday weekend, a big annual race, and the travelers that usually go to the Gulf...they're going to HH and surrounding areas instead. How do I know? A co-worker of my SIL just got back and gave the news first hand...and he goes every year so he knows that it's more packed than usual.

My weight is driving me absolutely insane. I am so angry at myself on so many levels. How I did I let myself get this way? I lost it once, why can't I do it again? Why do I let myself cave in? Did my willpower and determination just vanish? I am NOT OKAY being this way! Not at ALL! I'm pissed and hate to look at myself. So why the hell can't I take that anger and direct it at losing the weight. I DON'T F**KING KNOW!

I'm tired of living in my house in it's current condition. I've been there 11 years and it's trashed on the inside. Who's fault is that...totally MINE! I think I'm missing the cleaning gene. I hate it...and it shows. Don't get me wrong, it's not rat infested or anything...just cluttered and stained and not what I want. I don't let people in my house. I refuse to host gatherings or parties for adults because I'm embarrassed to have people in my house. But taking care of that requires money, which isn't available at the moment.

My poor kids... I feel like I'm not there for them. and that crushes me. Alyson is already showing signs of the same emotional hang ups I have and that breaks my heart. I feel like I neglect Hailey on a daily basis. There will certainly not be any parenting awards coming my way. I need to change this above all else...I'm losing these precious years and I can't get them back. That's a horrible painful feeling.

My relationship with Kel feels like a walk through. I don't see him often, and when I do I feel like he's completely disappointed with me. Let's face it, I don't clean well, don't cook, put on 20 pounds since the wedding and 50 since he met me. He does so much, and I just know he resents me. I can't blame him for it either.

I keep trying to be better, I really do. But it always backfires on me. I need to figure this shit out before it totally destroys me from the inside out. I don't want to be destined to stay inside my house and never go out because my social anxiety has taken over my life. I don't want to be so self conscious that I make excuses not to hang out with my friends. Maybe I'll get some clarity on this trip...or maybe I'll just get a massive sunburn and add real pain to the emotional bomb going off inside me.

...or maybe it's just PMS...

A moment to appreciate...me!

2010-06-25T08:36:00.000-07:00

I'm really down on me lately. I'm having a problem seeing anything good. Since I'm such a believer in 'lists', I'll just go ahead and make a list of my good qualities. Hopefully it'll make my personal outlook a little less bleak! If it doesn't...look out...I may take to drinking...lol

1. I have good hair....most of the time. I have kicky curls that a lot of people wish they had. I love my curls, and I wouldn't be me without them.

2. I have a nice smile. I've thought this ever since I got my braces off in 8th grade. My smile happens to be my best feature in my opinion. And really, since it's my blog, my opinion is all that really matters.

3. I have rhythm. Yes, I can keep a beat and dance and generally catch on to choreography. Usually I end up embarassing myself, but dammit, I can groove!

4. I may be heavy, but I know how to dress my body. You will never ever see me sporting a muffin top or wearing skinny jeans or spandex. I'm not happy with my body, but I won't make it look worse by wearing clothes I have no business wearing.

5. I can be funny sometimes. Usually my humor is dry and sarcastic, but I can make a group laugh from time to time.

6. My kids think I'm pretty cool. Which is a good thing since I'm sure they're getting to the age where nothing I do will be cool.

It's a short list today, but at least I do feel a bit better about myself. There really is something to be said about this whole 'list' concept.

I am...a diet failure

2010-06-15T07:39:00.000-07:00

Yes a failure. I won't even give myself the yo-yo moniker. I can't...I don't ever lose enough to be a yo-yo.
In high school I was a svelt 110 pounds. I was that weight from probably the end of my sophmore year on. I was a dancer when I was young so I was always proud of my shapely legs and tiny waist. Vain, no...just very happy with myself. My older brother's friends always found it funny to wrap a belt around my waist and mark it. Then wrap it around their thighs to see who's was closest. That was a real ego boost for me! My measurements in those fab days were 34-23-36. Yes a bit hippy, but I loved my ass and my curves! (but damn would I give almost anything for that hip measurement now!)

Then I got married, and instead of putting on the freshman 15 at college, I put on the newlywed 40. Then came kids, and divorce...stacking on another 40. I lost a bit after the divorce...when I was looking for a new man. I got back down to 176 (again, I'd love to be there now). Then met Kelly, and packed it all back on again. That's what I get for marrying a guy who loves to cook and has a high metabolism. Ouch. I was 197 on my wedding day, and have since gained even MORE.

I'm now tipping the scales at 217. I'm not a good dieter...I totally admit that. I don't have excuses like my kids are picky, or Kelly cooks bad things, or I don't have time to exercise. I mean I have those excuses sure, but they're are not the reasons I'm the weight that I am. The reason would be that I'm just lazy. I don't have the willpower I need to put forth a good weight loss effort. Yes, I take Zumba classes twice a week. But Zumba alone can not transform an overweight body. There needs to be nutritional changes, and additional activity. I KNOW this. I was a certified fitness instructor for cryin out loud. I have all the books. It's just implementing the knowledge that I have, that seems to be the problem.

So sadly, I'll take all 217 fu*#ing pounds to the beach with me. What I won't be taking...is a bathing suit. It'll be sundresses on the beach for me, and shorts & a tank at the pool if needed. I won't put anyone else through the embarrassment of looking at me this way. And I certainly won't put myself through that kind of torture.

Nissans and Mazdas and Chevy's...oh my

2010-05-26T13:10:00.000-07:00

So my lease on my beloved (though way outta my price range) Charger is up a couple months. So the car shopping has begun. Kel has been out all day looking around, and calling me. Car shopping by phone is just as tricky as it sounds.
"Do you like this? What about this? This one doesn't have a sunroof, are you ok with that? You sure you want a dark color?" Argh, it's exasperating. But apparently Friday is the day that I will get a new car.

Kel seems to think it'll be relatively easy. That's the optimist in him. The realist in me is saying No F'in way will it be simple. My credit is pretty much in the toilet. BUT...Any payment pretty much at this point will be less than what I'm paying for the Charger....and I mean that. The guy at the Chevy dealer told Kel "Holy shit, I could get you in a top of the line Corvette for that payment!" Right, thanks for the reminder that we got screwed when we bought the Charger. Right...the guy that sold us the car? Yeah, he got fired for scamming customers and the dealership. Unfortunately, there was nothing they could do about it and we've been stuck with a payment we can't nearly afford for 5 years...ouch. That has a lot to do with the uneviable credit situation as well.

So the players that will get a test drive on Friday are the Mazda6, Chevy Malibu, Nissan Altima, and Dodge Calibur. The Mazda and the Altima are sporty little numbers that I would love to have if the numbers work right. The Malibu Kelly seems to prefer, and the Calibur, I'm not sure how it got in the mix but it's there now. No matter which car I get, it will be a downgrade from what I'm drivng now. But I'm willing to give up quite a bit in my car to get a payment that will allow me to pay allll my other bills as well.

And the bonus? I'll have a new car to take on the vacation to Hilton Head. That's all my wonderful hubby's idea. I guess I'll keep him!

**update...kel said no to the Nissan when the no one came to help him outside and when he went Inside, he had to wait for the salesman to finish Harvesting his crop on FARMVILLE before he was helped...ugh.

Things I've learned from the girls in my life...

2010-05-21T08:01:00.000-07:00

1. Girls are DRAMA exemplified. (my neice Abby 19 - high school years)

Abby was the first 'young girl' in my life that went through the high school thing. Now, I flew pretty much under the radar at school. (which is the same school she is graduating from Sunday) I wasn't the popular kid, and I wasn't the loser either. No one hated me, but everyone knew me. So hearing all the stuff that Abby would come home with intrigued me at least. She was (and is) the borderline popular girl. Gorgeous, athletic, funny...all the qualities you want your kid to be. But MAN, the stories she would come home with about how mean the girls could be, and quickly your friends became your enemies were crazy! She was over it by Sophmore year, and was content to be friends with more boys than girls... And you can imagine what kind of additional drama that caused!

2. Just be you (my daughter Alyson, age 11)

My oldest is eclectic and knows what she likes and doesn't like. And honestly, she doesn't care what anyone else thinks. And ya know what, people like her for that! She has a very close knit group of friends that feel the same way. They are all so different, yet the same. She's a dancer, and her best friends are a basketball player, a soccer player and volleyball/band member. She likes to do well in school, and has no problem telling people that. She thinks peer pressure is ridiculous, and wonders why anyone would do something because someone else wants them to. She's an original, and makes me feel better being in my own skin.

3. Be Happy! (my daughter Hailey, age 9)

She's such a happy little soul, you can't help but smile around her. I honestly think I can see a room brighten every time she walks in. I don't know anyone who doesn't just fall in love with her upbeat and positive attitude when they meet her. She's unassuming and innocent (for the most part) and makes me feel lucky that she's mine.

4. You don't have to compromise. (my Neice Abby 19, again school years)As I said, the girl is beautiful. So there was no shortage of guys who wanted to go out with her. But boy oh boy, they get stupid when they're dating. Luckily, Abby is strong enough in her beliefs and convictions that she knows she doesn't have to settle for anything. She knows the Peanut Butter and Jelly theory, and hopefully she'll keep that and her strong will in her mind when she heads off to college.

5. Be a kid for as long as you can. (My neice Emily 15)

I love this girl. She's 15, and still loves to play with my girls. She's really in no rush to grow up, and I adore that quality. Granted, the boyfriends are calling and she's going out with friends, but she still acts like a 15 year old...not like a 20 year old. She reminds me that being a grown up doesn't have to be a full time thing.

6. We may want a man, but we certainly don't NEED one. (Linda 29:) )

Linda has been proving to me for the past 6-7 years that 'she don't need no stinkin man'. I swear, she knows how to do, fix, prepare and rig up so many things that it just boggles my mind. She can do easily, all the things that I always depended on my ex or my hubby or my dad or my brothers to do for me. She has inspired me many times over to tackle projects I deemed impossible for me. Of course...I usually just end up calling her instead.

7. Men don't always wear the pants (my sister in law Deb)

Deb is one of the biggest inspirations of my life. She's my rock, my shoulder, my partner in crime. Although I do love my brother dearly, he doesn NOT run the house! Deb is totally in control (she wouldn't have it any other way) of everything that happens in that house. She keeps it clean, does the bills, brings home the bacon and lays down the rules. She has shown me that I can take charge, and enjoy doing so!

8. Men may not wear them, but sometimes we need to let them think they do (Mary also 29 :) )
Yes, with 3 boys under 7 running around her house, she has a surprising amount of control. Her hubby works nights, so is sleeping most (ie: ALL) of the day. So she must keep said boys quiet all day as not to disturb him. She is a stay at home mom, so her hubby brings home all the physical 'pay'. He has NO idea of what Mary does all day long (though he often thinks it's nothing). So instead of arguing her point, she just lets him think that he wears the pants. That is soooo far from the truth, but at least it saves an hour's worth of wasted breath.

and those are just SOME of the lessons I've learned from the wonderful, amazing females in my life...Thanks chickies!

Victims of the money crunch...

2010-05-19T08:48:00.000-07:00

No, not me per say. I will not consider myself a victim, not in the slightest. The victims I speak of are the things that I have given up due to our recent decrease in income. (Kel was let go as GM of an Arby's and hired on as a GM of an Ihop) I like pancakes sooo much more than Roast Beef anyway, bleh. What I will miss, is the delicious fountain Pepsi I occasionaly splurged on at Arby's. They and Taco Bell have The Best Pepsi EVER. Period. But since I refuse to patronize Arby's ever again, and the line at Taco Bell is always ridiculously long I have done away with the fountain Pepsi.

In addition to that, I'm done with soda in general. Not only because it's bad for me (180 calories in a can? So not worth it) but because the reusable 32 ounce plastic container from Wal-Mart was $2.50 and water is free from the tap. That makes sense to even me.

Another victim? My hair. My poor roots are at least 2 inches grown out. I haven't had it cut in months...like 5 months. The cut I'm not so much worried about, as I was planning on growing my hair out anyway. The color however, I'm not thrilled about at all. It's Spring, closing in on summer, and I don't have my summery blonde highlights with a splash of burgundy thrown in for an interesting touch. I still have my winter shade of chocolate lowlights with the blonde hilights. Not Cool.

I also have been relegated to wearing my glasses full time. This, I am particularly not happy about. I love my contacts, and I want them back. But new ones just aren't in the budget right now. I miss them, and I am totally over the studious hot chick look I'm sporting. (yes I'm saying I'm studious and hot...get over it. My imagination wouldn't lie about how I look...)

My beloved Tap class. I miss it too. Fortunately not as much, since my favortie teacher, Michelle, was not teaching this year. That made it a tad easier to give up. Not that I don't like Diana, I really do. But I'm a grown woman, and I'd rather dance to top 40 and pop, and have a raucus good time with other women as nutty as me, instead of dancing to Jazzy music that I don't know and seriously focusing on technique. (I'm not big on the whole 'focus' idea)

Shopping in general has also gone on hiatus. I LOVE to shop. Hmm, that could be part of the reason that other things have had to be given up. Nonsense, that's crazy talk. I can't even go and browse. I'm not a good window shopper. I can't remember the last time I walked out of Target empty handed. I have good intentions of just killing time and looking, but there's always that one thing I can't live without. And it's only $7.99. Unfortunately, 5-7 items that are only $7.99 add up to quite a bit more rather quickly. That's a lesson I can't seem to learn, no matter how many times I make the mistake.

ok...the hubby just showed up with a $20.00 gift card for Applebee's...so I must be off for some seldom had quality time! Yay!

The Diary of a Big Pixie

Ridiculous

Foiled Again

baby steps I guess...back and forth

Challenge Update!

New Direction!

update!

I obviously, cannot be trusted

update!

ka-frazzled!

oh dear.

So Sorry!

updated week 2!

Week 2!

Week 1

checking in

Let's try again...

Here we Go!

The Competition is on!

Focus

A Saturday blog...what?!?!

I'm hungry.

I think I need competition

365 days....full circle

1st food holiday over...

November??

Road Block!

stand back...I'm about to blow

This fresh start feels stale already... :)

yes. I suck.

My will(s)

I have...an....ide-a...

oh boy.

Pattern...

Yay! A good loss!

Up down up down

Not too bad

Day 5 (oh I think my day numbers are off...)

Day 4 - late night strikes back

Day 3...much Better!

Day 2

Week 1: Soda Detox Day:1

Good Start!

Zumba Warrior

The Warrior in Me!

Holy Hell where's the Panic Button!

Thankfully it's Tuesday!

And then sh*t hit the fan!

Oh, the hormones in this house!!

Rollin'!

Back...and I mean Business!

End of my rope!! grrrrrr

Perspective pics

A lesson in perspective

um...whoa?!

And here they are...

Feelin' Gooooooood

Hello Monday!

Hi. My name is Stacey, and I'm a diet failure.

Moving on!

blah...that about sums it up

phew...sleepy!

Wedding Weekend...survived

keeping myself honest

this is my alternative!

Today is a new day!

Grr. Frustrated.

Tripped up again!

Officially Zumba-fied!

hmmm...Perhaps next week...

doldrums...*sigh*

Sweet sweet Vitamin D!

KO KO

Experiment done, back to the grind.

Goal #1 within reach

Phooey

choices and consequences

Ahhhh.....New Numbers!!!!!

Hiatus over!

Now We're Rollin'!

doldrums...sigh