Cranky...hmph

Yes, I'm cranky.  That's bad news for everyone around me.   My cranky is the type of cranky that just keeps giving.  Since I am usually of good cheer and spreading happy fairy dust everywhere I go, it usually comes as a shock to people when I don't smile when they say hello.  Or when my incredulous 'whatever' follows their 'Good Morning, Stacey!'.  I become a whiner...more so than usual.  It's a pity party and I am the guest of honor.  What I generally want is for people to tell me 'yes that sucks, and I do feel bad for you'.  Luckily I get this at work.  I can vent and Jodi is always there, to lend the shoulder and the ear, and wallow with me.  Never making it seem less worthy by interjecting how awful her day is.  She lets me have my moment, and encourages me without being overly 'oh the world is candy coated and your a go getter and things will be super duper by noon!'.  Come to think of it, I'm kinda like that sometimes and should keep it in check...hmm.  No wonder people tend to roll their eyes at me.  All I get from Kel at home is, stop complaining and do something then.  No chance to vent or commisserate.  Just a heartless, I don't want to hear it, I don't care, who gives a shit 'do something about it'.  Not what I needed.

I'll be on that damn stage dancing in a week.  I have a 3 spanx combo that will hopefully keep my jelly from jiggling uncontrollably.  I will take on the role of the funny fat chick to combat my intense insecurity.  I'm really not looking forward to this, dreading it actually.  I tried to get out of it, but apparently our number is needed to give some of the dancers time to change costumes.  Dammit.  Nothing like an old, fat mom trying to be cool on stage and recapture some of the glory of days gone by when she actually looked good and could rock a stage with a pair of tap shoes.  Now it's just laughable and kind of pathetic.  Hence the funny role.  I don't want anyone to think that I actually take this seriously.  We do it for fun and the chance to get out of the house once a week and have time with friends.  I'm sure if I was 60 pounds lighter, my take on the whole thing would be entirely different.  But now, at my current jovial, busting-at-the-seams weight, it all seems a little superfluous.

So yes, be on guard because the happy, fat chick is not happy.  Best just to quietly tip toe past me.